Acid Face
Today is a slow one. A slow day. Hurtful slow. And sluggish.
I feel like acid. (not the drug, just the ph) Hard, acerbic, destructive. I saw my face a couple of times today... I look like a witch. Mean mean mean. I try softening my features, you know, relaxing my face, smiling every now and again, but it's not working. A nice young man recoiled from me as he got on the elevator this morning. I felt bad. He offered me an Altoid. I refused in the kindest way possible. I wished him a good day and went on my acerbic way. It's my bitchy-white-woman look and I can't get it off. I'm scared. Of myself. It has more to do with returning to a job I have taken a hating to than anything else I think. I hope. I tend to wear my feelings on my face. It's just the way I am. Despite my theater degree. I mean, I could fake it. But I don't.
I'm back in the loving embrace of Cleveland... feels more like a death grip today... and trying to sort out all my bloggings. Attendance numbers have severely fallen off in the last week. Posts have been far flung and sporadic (but you gotta admit it was quality blogging). Well, it's time I got dependable again. Just as soon as I stop feeling so glum.
It's spitting rain here.
I feel like acid. (not the drug, just the ph) Hard, acerbic, destructive. I saw my face a couple of times today... I look like a witch. Mean mean mean. I try softening my features, you know, relaxing my face, smiling every now and again, but it's not working. A nice young man recoiled from me as he got on the elevator this morning. I felt bad. He offered me an Altoid. I refused in the kindest way possible. I wished him a good day and went on my acerbic way. It's my bitchy-white-woman look and I can't get it off. I'm scared. Of myself. It has more to do with returning to a job I have taken a hating to than anything else I think. I hope. I tend to wear my feelings on my face. It's just the way I am. Despite my theater degree. I mean, I could fake it. But I don't.
I'm back in the loving embrace of Cleveland... feels more like a death grip today... and trying to sort out all my bloggings. Attendance numbers have severely fallen off in the last week. Posts have been far flung and sporadic (but you gotta admit it was quality blogging). Well, it's time I got dependable again. Just as soon as I stop feeling so glum.
It's spitting rain here.
posted by k_sra at 9/07/2004 12:49:00 PM
6 Comments:
It was quality blogging, [k], if I've ever heard quality blogging. Hmmm... #'s went down while I was on vacation. I'm sure that's just a coincidence.
Hey, Saharna, I can make that face, too, but we both know we're better than that. I suggest you return to full scale "run at the AI machine" mode (even though you're not actually running at it any longer.) You had so much fun last time. Just think of how much sweeter a lack of purpose will make it this time around.
Useless presents. I swear by 'em.
Your road trip was a chance to kick something and see if it moved. It was that for me. I'm starting to sort out the grouchiness for myself and finding that it is not the icy grip of Cleveland, but rather displaced anger that I mostly supress. 'nuther words, I bet your face is trying to tell you something, but it's the news and not the weather. (I always wanted to use that one.)
If I knew how to take that advice, hp, I would. believe me I would. The anticlimax of sitting still in my work chair is too much for me to imagine away. But I hear what you're saying and I agree with the principle. I just haven't figured out how to do that yet...
Sounds like you need a new after work activity.
I totally feel you on this blog. I could have written it. Working a job you hate....there are no words strong enough. I'm doing it, too. Here's what's fun: if you can't make your face softer and happier, just try to be the meanest, scariest bitch you can. At some point you'll crack yourself up, or someone will call you on trying so hard, which busts everyone up. It sounds odd, but true. Did that at work until my friend, with a really lame British accent, said, "who took the gem out your doughnut?" (from Snatch, I think). I fell about, back into normal face mode. :)
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