Philosopher's Hour

For you to answer at your convenience:

1. When was the first time you truly understood mortality? What happened?
2. Favorite smell?
3. Do you prefer to take care of others or to be taken care of? How much of each?
4. If you could write a message in the sky that everyone on earth could read and understand, what would it say?
5. If you could live at peace with one species of animal (not human) which would it be and why?

If you just need a little entertainment, fly with Loic Jean Albert in his wingsuit. Fantastic!

Kolam on the Floor

In the process of designing an Indian themed wedding I came across the art form of Kolam or Rangoli, in which rice flour is poured or brushed on the floor in patterns of dots and continuous lines. Some of these patterns are quite elaborate and in parts of India, these kolams are drawn by women at the doorstep daily to protect those within from evil and to invite prosperity (and ants). While I'm not so sure about the protective qualities of flour, I do like the designs a great deal. One website intimated that the dots represent obstacles we face, while the line (traditionally one continuous) represents our life starting with God, passing around many obstacles and returning to God, which I thought was a beautiful sentiment. The photo below leads to the nicest kolam blog I've found online:


You can design your own Kolam with this Kolam Generator. Learn more about Kolams.

100 and Counting...

I'm too lazy to find a wedding counter that will count down the days that I can easily embed into my blog, so I'll just tell you that we are now in the 100 day stretch to our wedding.

I'm so tired right now I can barely think... I need more sleep and preferably not the kind that is littered with dreams of invitation papers, fonts and wordings...

Any advice? = )

INVITE ME!!!

Weddings. Ya can't get married without 'em!

Even though I am joyfully excited to be taking the leap this July, I am also more than a little overwhelmed. Life has become a series of lists; what I have accomplished and what I have yet to accomplish. There is a never ending list of details to attend to. And I do mean NEVER-ENDING! I have my dress and the bridesmaids' pretty much squared away and Raymond has all but finished the big stuff: church, hall, minister(s), band. Now we have the barrel of invitations, decorations, flowers, photographer, dinner menu, cake design, flowergirl's dress, groomsmen atttire, transportation, registry, honeymoon, hotels, rehearsals, parties, and showers to stare down. I think I missed a few. But that's about how it goes.

Invitations turn out to be a huge pain! (those of you already married, try to act shocked.) For instance, we have a list that is 193 invites deep. Those invites each represent at least two people. So, we're talking 400 people we would invite if we could. Our reception hall only seats 260 including the bridal party, so obviously we will need to separate people we would like to invite, but probably shouldn't until we have some regrets from the family and intimate friends list. How are you to do that? I'm calling this stage "Toe-Stepping." I've had one woman so far who sidled up to me, introduced herself as a friend of my fiance's family and demanded an invite. Sadly, she's on the B-list.

Envelopes. Do you know how to properly address an envelope? To a married couple? To a same-sex couple? To a live-in couple or amrriage partners who didn't take the same last name? Including children or not? It's all etiquette. I hate etiquette, but you can't address wedding invites without it. So now I know the "proper" answers to all these questions. (I'll tell you later if you really want to know.)

It's enough to give a girl a fit. I see now why we have videos on youtube of women chopping off their hair (actually staged, but we can relate), shrieking in rage, fainting, and generally acting insane on or near the day of their wedding. It can be a lot to handle. I've decided that I want to enjoy the heck out of my wedding planning and my wedding. One thing I don't want happening is to get to the day and be so concerned with details that I miss out on just looking my darling in the eyes and appreciating the man I am (hopefully) going to spend the rest of my life with. So, even if I have to give myself a proverbial lobotomy the day before the wedding, I am determined to let it all go and enjoy every loud and boisterous - as well as tender and private - moment of this day.

But in the meantime, I have some invitations to address...

Who Is My Second Cousin Twice Removed?

I've often been perplexed by the relations in my family that extended beyond the close-knit cousin circle. And to penetrate that mystery, I went, as always to the Internet!

My dad has a cousin. Let's say his name is Ben. Ben is
is my first cousin once removed. Ben has a son, Nathaniel. Nathaniel is my second cousin. Now if I had a daughter named Alice, she would be Ben's first cousin twice removed. Whereas Alice and Nathaniel would be second cousins once removed. My dad who is Alice's grandfather, is Nathaniel's first cousin once removed. But if Alice had a kid named Jack, Jack would be Ben's first cousin thrice removed and Nathaniel's second cousin twice removed.

Hope that helped you as much as it did me. :)

For a much clearer explanation, read this.

Santa Baby

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to any and all readers and freinds of this blog. This year I am spending Christmas with two families, soaking up the yuletide cheer with old family and new.

As a little gift to my internet family, I present the new and improved Scared of Santa collection. I never was forced to sit on a Santa's lap and have my picture taken, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the vilifying faces of these children who were. After you've enjoyed the look on the kids' faces, take a look at the Santa's. Some of them are no better. That's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it!

Best Wishes to all of you!

ORO: Fact of the Day

Which fish is sometimes called "king of the herrings"?

Visit oxford reference online to find the answer to today's question!

ORO: Fact of the Day

On what kind of garment might have been found an umbo and a sinus?

Visit oxford reference onlnine to find the answer to today's question!

Wedding Gowns from Hell

Being that I am looking into the forthcoming nuptials of my sweetheart and myself, I've ravaged the internet for images of wedding dresses of every size, color and description. One thing that is really starting to come home to me in a whole new way as never before is that wedding dresses are boring. That's right, I said it: boring. Currently, women in my country are wearing a bland a-line strapless number and clutching the same damn clump of roses. Let the tears of my boredom begin. Which is why I have to take a break from the freakishly repetitive and delve into some horrific wedding gowns just to take the edge off. I thought I would share some of this eye-poison with you all. Enjoy!

This first gown, features the mother-in-law's dream of where her new thorn-in-the-flesh can place her bouquet. I think the look on the model's face pretty much sums up that gown.

And next we have this boudoir-meets-Britney-Spears number. I'm not sure what's going on here, but her hair is trying admirably to detract from the massive exposure her thighs are undergoing. She has a well and truly hideous Amywinehouseesque hairdo to compliment her cheap, satin-flower bouquet. What's most terrifying about this spiderweb minidress is that it was designed by a company that is still in business. And that just makes no sense at all! If anything this dress is screaming "Take me to Vegas, I'm three months pregnant, only fifteen, and have the fashion sense of a d-list actress!

Someone, please explain to me why it is that heavy brides gravitate to the most unbecoming dresses imaginable? This woman evidently thought she was going to have a period wedding, little knowing that women of the period in questions were not given to corpulence. Don't get me wrong, I think a heavier woman can look damn good in her wedding dress and bowl her man off his feet, just not in this dress. It looks like someone poured frosting over her... gallons and gallons of it. Not one piece of this dress is actually tailored to her body. The most insulting thing about this picture is that she had her groom hold the flowers so that we could really see her custom-made monstrosity! If that woman has a maid of honor, the girl should be strangled.

I hope you can enjoy this next picture as much as I did. First of all, it took me several seconds to locate the bride's face above the orgasmic explosion that is her "sleeves." Then I doubted that was her face and thought we were looking at her back, but no, there were two tiny, scared eyes looking out from under her bouffant back at me. Only after another minute did I then see the tuft beside her. Which apparently, is her equally unfortunate flower girl. Or perhaps that is an illegitimate child which she isn't quite ready to present to the groom, so she has cleverly disguised the child as an extension of her bridal confusion.

I swear she's hiding an aerobed under that dress!

This last one actually won an award from Guinness World Book of Records for being the heaviest wedding gown on record. 25 stone. Which translates for us Americaners as roughly 350 pounds of drama. She's sixteen, which may account for some of it. She has something like 30,000 crystals covering the dress, dozens of metal hoops to hold the structure up (three of which she had to remove to get through the church doors) and ten (yes ten) wedding guests were required to assist her up the aisle. Talk about a graceful entrance!

ORO: Fact of the Day

What kind of animals are anachoretes?

Visit oxford reference online to find the answer to today's question!

Lazy Blog Owner, Part 2

I just subscribed my blog to the Oxford Reference Online Fact of the Day email. This will either offer some mild entertainment or be stupifyingly annoying. If it proves to be the latter you can expect a hasty withdrawal (just like some of you may get after not hearing fresh stories about Noble Maloof...)

Thank you for your time and attention!

I'm Engaged!

This is one happy girl writing. Raymond proposed on our vacation to Sacramento, Napa Valley and Lake Tahoe. (well, technically, he just proposed in Tahoe, but you know what I mean). The ring pictured above. We plan to marry within the year, but we have yet to figure out how and when! Weddings are crazy expensive. Who knew? I'm a Justice of the Peace kind of girl, myself. I guess we'll see!

Americans Are Fat

Get this, Disneyland had to shut down its funnest ride, "It's a Small World," because all of us Americans just weigh too dang much. Oh, it hurts!

How to Hug a Baby

A tutorial for dogs.

Lazy Blog Owner

This blog has been slowed to a crawl for an indefinite period of time. The Blog Owner is currently enjoying other life activities and has no immediate plans to post Something New (almost) Every Day. If you stopped by to resume a conversation, the Blog Owner receives comments via email and is notified when you "drop a line."

Otherwise, please enjoy old posts until the Blog Owner has something new or useful to say.

Thank you.

Dog Logic

...in a flowchart from a dog owner named Khoi.

Once Upon A Mime

Marcel Marceau passed away this Saturday. He was one of the living legends of stage that thespians, such as myself, cannot help but admire. He will be greatly missed.

I've included a video taken recently at a symposium in Poland. Marcel is goofing off with one of the presenters.

LOLsecrets

Too good not to post. There's a new website for the combining of our two favorite internet phenomenoms: Post Secret and LOLcats. Enjoy!


And a couple of recent good ones from icanhascheezburger.com:

Ultimately It Was Fine

Mission Accomplished! The HRAR (Human Resources Annual Retreat) went better than I expected. We were still forced to "celebrate diversity" by writing down shameful childhood stereotypes that were foisted upon us by others (Out, out, Demon!) and then share them in small groups with others.

 

But the good mood held and the food was tasty and I even learned something new about myself! And that always makes me happy. I learned that when it comes to change, I am a Seeker. That's right. I actively look for ways to improve and change the status quo around me. I don't sit still and take things as they come. I have the drive necessary to optimize what I'm given and make the best of it while looking for ways to improve the way things are done. This would explain why I am always reorganizing the filing systems in the office. [The three other "quadrants" were Intellectually Engaged (list-makers, pragmatic), Emotionally Engaged (cheerleaders), and Resistors (negative, cautious).]

 

Also, they gave us candy and let us play games outside... sounds like the third grade.

Getting Out

Four words strike terror in every breast here in my place of work. Four words: Human Resources Annual Retreat

The HRAR is an all-day affair that "explores ways to foster new ways of working together, improve communication and create a healthier culture" here at the office.

It's tomorrow. All day.

I've been thinking of ways to get out of it. So far, I've not had much luck. One very clever co-worker had the good foresight to be Jewish, thus ensuring himself a free pass for the high holy days of Rosh Hashanah. He joked, "You'll want to consider converting to Judaism for at least a week this year!" He's off today and tomorrow. Now that $125 ticket to the local temple is starting to look like a bargain.

They're going to make us do "exercises." Otherwise known as "ways to waste an entire day of peoples' existence." They've asked everyone to bring a picture of themselves for an "exploring the self" exercise. I shudder as I write it. (If they ask us to take off our shoes, I will make a beline for the door.) I have no idea what this will entail, but I've printed up a picture of myself that I use for concert fliers and don't mind being passed around to a bunch of co-workers. My boss is planning on enlarging his driver's license picture 200%. I really hope somebody brings in a wall-sized framed portrait of themselves in oils. That would just about make my day!

As if this weren't enough, the itinerary of the day starts with something called "positive reinforcement." But we're unsure as to what they are positively reinforcing. Maybe the concrete barriers between their employees and the nearest exits would be the smartest move.

Last year's retreat was futile, but bearable. Only problem with this year's retreat is that the powers that be are feeling ambitious. And ambition and retreats are kind of at loggerheads if you really think about it. The corporation meets the convent, kind of a thing. "Let's really get in there and work hard at having a relaxing time." Right.

I already have people requesting my presence at their table; people who cannot bear the thought of serious faces oowing and awing over the poster competition they will inevitably make us do outlining our specific department's contributions and goals in the corporation. If we get to make any acronyms, I'm going straight for swear words. "This year we are focusing on 'Friendly Uncompromising Clientele Knowledge' " or "Since last year we've increased our 'Stellar Handling of International Teamwork' by 10%." I just hope I don't get in trouble. Like last year. When I shot out a barb and the whole room erupted into laughter. My boss didn't care for that much. (Sometimes that theatre degree can bite you in the butt.)

So, this year my watchwords will be "Save it for the Blog" and "Smile and Nod." We'll see how it goes... *sigh*

We'll see.

Beauty in Destruction

Maybe it's just because it's September 11, maybe it's just the cold, rainy day, but these images of the photography of Martin Klimas really soothed me in a vibrant, gritty sort of way. Life is fragile and yet violently beautiful. Click pics for larger image.

Happy Birthday, Voyager I

Guess who else turned 30 this year? Voyager I, and it's still out there sending us pictures. Imagine this, it's 9.5 billion miles away and takes 13 hours to send its signal (at light speed) to earth. That puppy wandered far! Keep up the good work, little space Voyager! (Get this, they even included a record of "earth sounds" for extraterrestrials to listen to to get to know our planet. Wasn't that thoughtful?

Pavarotti No More

My favorite tenor died this morning. Here he is singing Nessun Dorma. What a voice!

"Like Such As..."

If you haven't reveled in the misguided utterings of the current reigning Miss Teen South Carolina, see the video. The t-shirt above (which tastefully arranged her speech into the shape of the USA, should assist US Americans who have no maps like such as myself in identifying it next time) is available at this site. You'll also want to see their Pageant Geography t-shirt which carefully explains where the US is, South Africa, The Asian countries and as a bonus... the Iraq.

Labor Day Fashion

I have it on good authority that you should never wear white after Labor Day. So I did: white short-pants and white open-toe-sandals. I'll be the scandal of all of Cleveland. I'll have to speed through Beachwood tonight so as not to be hauled from my vehicle and made into a public example.

On another purely tangential note: I went to Cedar Point with Raymond on Friday. Top-Thrills Dragster took my breath away, the Magnum tried to take my hat away, and the Millenium Force (we sat at the front) decided to give rather than take. Raymond and I had several dead bugs to show for ourselves on the fronts of our shirts. We laughed ourselves sick. (Oh, and the new ride, the Maverick, is really quite wild. I would have liked it more if it hadn't tossed my head about quite so much.)

And for those of you State-side, what did your weekend produce in the way of entertainment and relaxations?

Your Hobbies Are Boring

THREE-OH!

I am proud to have turned thirty today. So far, I can say that I really like it! Up to now the festivities for yours truly have included, phone calls, text messages, emails, e-cards, surprise party (with cake and a singing candle!), gifts, money, and a sneaky kiss or two from the boyfriend who caught an early flight home from a business trip. (thank you, sneaky Boyfriend!)

Ah! it's good to be thirty!

Everybody who is already thirty tell me a good story of how much fun you had turning thirty. PLEASE!

Merv Griffin Dies at 82

Say "so long" to one of America's most venerated performers.

Merv Griffin Passed away Monday, August 13, 2007.

Happy Left Handers' Day

Yep, you south paws get the honorable August 13th as your special day to shine and whine.

Mymo, here's looking at you. : )

Update

Still sick. Still in the red for office sick days available. Still working.

At least it's air conditioned!

(picture of my sick bed)

Shop Till You Drop

Those crazy Swedes!

Bunnies Help Make It Better

Seems that on a day like today when I'm not feeling my best (swollen eyelid, sore throat, stiff neck) bunnies help me to relax and laugh and feel better. Why bunnies? I don't know. I just don't know... (I would leave work and go home and pamper myself except that I'm over my available sick hours by thirty minutes)

Toiletpaper Has Its Own Website

Oddly alluring, but definitely pointless. Unwind a roll!

Chocolate Rain and its Children

This is why we have the internet. Apparently.

Original:



Prodigal Sons:

Vanilla Snow:


McGruff the Crime Dog:


Darth Vader:


And lastly a singing nun. (?)

Puppeteering: Good or Bad Job?

Oscar the Death Cat

I thought petting a cat was supposed to increase your life expectancy... click pic for story.

Bent Objects

Rather entertaining take on everyday objects and bent wire. I like Terry's work. (Note: not always safe for children.)

Some of my favorites:

Bird Saliva is Expensive

Ever heard of Bird's Nest Soup? Do you know what it actaully is? Learn. (I don't think I'll be indulging in its medicinal benefits anytime soon...) *coughbirdflu*

Don't Belong

Ever feel like you don't belong? My strongest sens of dis-belonging (not actually a word) comes from times when I have no clue what other people think of me. This is owing to two facts: Fact 1) I am empathetic, which means I can tell how other people feel, so if I can't tap into that for some reason, I am at a loss. It's like flying without instruments. Fact 2) In sterotypical fashion, I am a woman who is socially aware of how she is perceived.

How about you, when and where have you most felt un-belonged in? (not a sentence)

The New Guy

We have a new coworker. I am delighted to report that his personality compels this entry in my oft-neglected-of-late blog. He seems quite sweet and sincere and also slightly odd; my favorite combination. He's got a pseudonym from his anacronistic society (which he invited us to use in order to tell him apart from another office mate with the same first name), he wears a silver skull ring, and brought his lunch today in a Sponge-Bob Square Pants Lunch Tote. Talk about a first impressions! I'm delighted we have someone to help us. Especially someone so unique!

7/11 America's Favorite

In a day to honor the convenience of stores that have short lines and no gas pumps, I'd like to celebrate the institution that is 7 Eleven. They are currently sucking up to the mainstream movie industry by renaming stores "Kwik-E-Mart" for the upcoming Simpson's Movie. (Wish I could have seen that convenience store cat-fight bid war!) They also claim to have America's Favorite Beverage: the Slurpee. I had to verify this for myself, so I did an instensive two minute google search for America's Favorite Beverage. Here's what I found:

According to "The Man Room," it's beer.

According to this study, it's Soda Pop!

This touring site says beer again.

And here we're back to Carbonated Sodie Pop!

But nowhere on 90 pages does it say, "America's favorite beverage is the 7/11 slurpee." The closest they get (besides 7/11 websites themselves, obviously) is somebody saying that the Slurpee "is America's favorite frozen drink." I think 7/11 is full of it!

But that's not to say I don't enjoy a slurpee every now and then. I like to mix half cherry and half coke.

BoomShine

I find this game fiercely addictive! you get one click per level to make a chain reaction that will clear enough points to move on. Try it, you'll see why this is such a fun ittle game. (took me 14 tries to get level 12)

Fortune Weirdness

Ever get a fortune cookie at a chinese restaurant that made no sense? Here's a whole website full of them!
How 'bout you? Have you ever received an odd fortune in a cookie?



(fortune cookie picture generated here.)

July 4th

I get the day off tomorrow! *gloat*

Spaghetti and the Dog (Input Requested)

Hello, Friends. Long time no hear from, I know. Things have been busy on the Immigration front and they died down to a whisper just as quickly as they built up to a frenzy. But that isn't why I'm here. I have a serious, hypothetical questions to pose to you:

Let us imagine that you told someone 8 months ago that you don't feed your dog scraps from the table and that this person (8 months after the fact) fed your dog a half inch of spaghetti. What would your reaction be? And let's assume this person is your significant other.

Please respond in the comments section if you would:

a) say nothing because it was only a tiny piece of food and your S.O. wouldn't deliberately go against your wishes if they had remembered?

b) say something like, "Oh, remember, I don't feed the dog scraps from the table, Darling!" and smile sweetly?

c) yell sharply out of frustration, but apologize immediately knowing the shouting wasn't called for and you've hurt your S.O.'s feelings?

d) go balistic, shouting and cursing and insist the S.O. walk home or be driven home and refuse to speak to them for days?

I'd love to know what your responses would be. Thanks for helping me out! = )