Pregnancy Dictionary - Part 3

At this stage of my pregnancy, all the focus is on delivery. Having a healthy child to show for oneself is kind of the ultimate reward here and with that light at the end of the tunnel, soon-to-be-mothers like myself put our heads down and finish the course.

Third trimester is fraught with all kinds of new and interesting symptoms and curious side-effects, but none of them have interesting or scientific names. Well, if they do, I don't know what they are. So, here, without further ado, is mythird trimester pregnancy dictionary addition:

P-Brain: aka 'pregnancy brain.' This is the time when you can no longer remember where you put something, what you are wearing, if you ever called that person back, what that big word was you wanted to use two seconds ago. Pregnancy brain is the great intellectual equalizer. I just tell people, "I'll have a witty comeback for that in about two months!"

Butterfingers: Not the candy-bar (although one of those is nice every now and again), no, we're talking about the condition. Dropping the same bowl three times on your way to the sink. Overreaching the bedside table and knocking your water all over the floor. That two-pointer into the laundry basket you almost always could make? Not anymore. Somewhere between your brain and your joints, there is now a huge disconnect. And thanks to p-brain, you really don't care. Speaking of joints...

Squishy Bones: It's not really your bones that are squishy, so much as your joints. Whatever goo-gaw is holding your frame together is slowly turning into peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. You can no longer 'crack your back' to relieve pressure. You hear little popping, slurpy noises when you sit down on the ground. Your spine feels like a rubber hose. As my OB puts it, "Stretching becomes very important at this stage." And, man, was she right! Stretching and deep breathing is the only thing that makes you feel half human again.

Fatigue: There's no more hiding it, you need to sleep ALL THE TIME. At first, you make plans for after work; water and prune houseplants, finish tax documentation, prepare papers for hospital registration, vacuum living room, and make dinner for hubby. After a couple of days you realize your goal is to come home, take a shower, eat a bowl of cheerios and fall into bed for two hours. That's your list of "things to do." And if you manage to get the shower and the cereal before crashing into slumber, you can feel pretty good about yourself.

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Blogger Tara said...

I have to confess I laughed at the "light popping, slurpy noises", but I'm sure it's not as funny when its happening.

Two PMS symptoms are clumsiness and P-brain issues - I'm sure those are just practice runs for pregnancy. I've experienced both in one way or another.

1/5/09 14:53  
Blogger laura b. said...

All that blood for use in the other u word..uterus, instead of the brain :-) After five pregnancies, I don't think I ever fully recovered. Be warned. haha!

1/5/09 16:24  
Blogger k_sra said...

Tara, I have never missed anything so little as I do my period. It's funny how something can be so constant and then so completely forgotten. Although pregnancy brings its complaints, I am certainly grateful for the reprieve from that guest.

Laura! My mother also had five, but somehow remained the greatest genius I know. I hope I can follow in her footsteps. Also, 'uterus' has become almost a non-sensical word to me at this point because I say it so often. I think I'm starting to really hate it. Is there a euphemism that sounds better? (Besides womb, which sounds like tomb)

4/5/09 08:03  
Blogger Pamela said...

Baby sack?

You make me happy I have not had children... ;-) But well described!

4/5/09 11:26  
Blogger Churlita said...

I had the P-Brain thing throughout my entire pregnancy. I remember trying to read Anna Karenina and having to go back and reread the same page again and again because I couldn't remember what I had just read.

4/5/09 13:03  

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