Welcome Back...

...to me.
I took a week off which you already know if you were paying attention. Not from work or life or anything, but just from this blog. This "You Learn Something New Everyday" blog.
I decided that I am altogether too faithful to this writing thing. I started this blog back in June of 2003. That's a year and a half of learning something new (almost) every day. That's dependability people, and whether you know this or not, I'm not known for my dependability. I mean, I'm not a flake... I get to work every day on time and I am faithful to my responsibilities, but if I'm being perfectly honest, I'm also a bit of a spaz when it really counts. It's the theater major in me.

But if it weren't for my spazzy side I wouldn't be nearly as interesting either. My spaz side is the well-rehearsed battleground for my artistic temperment. It is solely responsible for my dreaming up half the stuff I write.

So, enough, where was I? I was taking a vacation, explaining my spaz side... oh yes - what I learned this week.

A couple of things really. I figured out that I am not going to grad school to study film and film making. I know, I know. Some of you are thinking this is typical Hoagland copping-out before we reach the finish-line behavior, but I assure you, it's not. It's a new style of Hoagland behavior which says, "Hey, is that really gonna make me happy or have I just set up some goal that isn't really suited to me?" and in this case it's the latter. I was talking to Brian last week about the whole thing and he asked me, "Do you make films now?" To which I said, "No." And then he said, "But you write films, right..." To which I answered, "No, I really don't." In fact, to be honest the most I do is watch films and then write about them. Which isn't a bad thing, to be sure, but I always say your actions betray you. You can try to make yourself into whatever you want (and all the glory in film is in being the bad assss director), but your actions will never lie to you. They go on doing exactly what it is you really want to do even if you're trying to go off in another direction. Kinda funny if you think about it. human nature. is kind of funny.

The other thing i learned is that I like taking time off from this blog. I'm not saying I'm quitting this blog. But I did enjoy taking a break from it. And the reason (dear, precious, sweet, delicious reader) is that this blog kinda saps my writing energy. It dissipates. Which I dearly need on a regular basis. Writing is like a steam pressure that builds in me till the top blows. I cannot imagine what kind of creature I would become if there were no outlet for me to write or express the trivialities of my life. So, in that sense this blog is a godsend. On the other hand, I need that energy if I'm ever going to get up enough steam for a larger project... stories, novels, essays etc. I forget who, but one of those rich, white, bastard writers called it the "pressure cooker." And that's exactly what it is. A pressure cooker. You need it cranked up to build heat and you should leave the lid on till it's done.

So, folks, I'm looking for the best way to live my quiet little life while coddling a couple of heart loves; writing, photography, music. I figure it will cost less than three years of grad school and I'll probably end up happier in the bargain. And I may or may not be taking time off from the blog to do so. No promises. If I can mold the blog into a conduit for larger work, I may do that. Time, you know...

So, here's to following my dreams. Even if they're the quiet ones I took for granted because they didn't come with an Oscar.