strange urges
Have you ever been up high on a cliff or ledge of some sort and been overwhelmed by a horrible urge to throw yourself off into whatever abyss lies below you? Just the fact that the choice is yours to take your life into your own hands and all that would be required is a small physical motion of stepping forward - a movement you make every day of your life without thought or consequence - that thought alone spins your head and makes you grasp the ledge tighter and take a step back. Has that ever happened to you?
You know they say everything is connected and that you can't tease apart the brain and its compartments. They are interwoven. And the way you face a physical landscape like a cliff is how you would face a psychological or abstract landscape of similar proportions. A huge decision that you know quite well could crush or destroy you is right there in front of you... just waiting. Available. And it is sheer whim that you don't leap into the void and destroy yourself.
Although sometimes you do jump (usually because you have convinced yourself that something in you or more likely in someone else will catch you, save you, or snatch you out of the air and wisk you away from imminent danger.) and only after you have fully committed do you realize what you have done and wish and wish for the ledge you are leaving far behind. Man, life can be a buggaboo sometimes.
You know they say everything is connected and that you can't tease apart the brain and its compartments. They are interwoven. And the way you face a physical landscape like a cliff is how you would face a psychological or abstract landscape of similar proportions. A huge decision that you know quite well could crush or destroy you is right there in front of you... just waiting. Available. And it is sheer whim that you don't leap into the void and destroy yourself.
Although sometimes you do jump (usually because you have convinced yourself that something in you or more likely in someone else will catch you, save you, or snatch you out of the air and wisk you away from imminent danger.) and only after you have fully committed do you realize what you have done and wish and wish for the ledge you are leaving far behind. Man, life can be a buggaboo sometimes.
Labels: journal, philosophy, whining
posted by k_sra at 12/28/2004 01:39:00 PM
6 Comments:
I know that feeling. The last time I experienced that sensation was while contemplating, from 20 - 30 feet above, the moonlit, whitecapped, turbulence churned astern a ship.
A critical flaw in your comparison: there's always a way back from the metaphorical leap, always a path back to the top. Albiet sometimes an excruciating climb, you can get back. Although you may battered, bruised and bleeding badly, healing will begin even during the ascent. Helpful guides are available as needed after the fact, but it's best if you tell them you're falling so they can catch you on the way down. Them rocks at the bottom is sharp sometimes.
Funny thing --- there aren't nearly as many experienced guides to help you climb back up after a physical leap. If you gotta take a leap, metaphorical seems the better way to go. And don't forget the bungee cords.
I know that feeling. The last time I experienced that sensation was while contemplating, from 20 - 30 feet above, the moonlit, whitecapped, turbulence churned astern a ship.
A critical flaw in your comparison: there's always a way back from the metaphorical leap, always a path back to the top. Albiet sometimes an excruciating climb, you can get back. Although you may battered, bruised and bleeding badly, healing will begin even during the ascent. Helpful guides are available as needed after the fact, but it's best if you tell them you're falling so they can catch you on the way down. Them rocks at the bottom is sharp sometimes.
Funny thing --- there aren't nearly as many experienced guides to help you climb back up after a physical leap. If you gotta take a leap, metaphorical seems the better way to go. And don't forget the bungee cords.
(looks like that server error message I got sort of messed things up a little)
Yeah, I do that all the time. Why would you ever want to go back to the top of the cliff, anyway? Better to go forward and make your new choice work. Or die. Either way, it's an adventure!
Oh yes, I have stood atop many a metaphorical ledge and thrown myself off. I tend to get tunnel vision - I start down a path and continue down it whether I should or not. I think I am doing better in this area now, though, I try to at least.
I once wanted to jump off a ship, really, really bad. Not suicidal, just the proximity of the danger beckoned like a siren (hey, maybe it was sirens). As far as metaphores, I never seem to have a death wish, just when physical danger comes to town.
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