Bring Me A Shubbery

Or just tell me the average velocity of a swallow. The Estimated Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow, that is. African or European, I hear you say? That's all included in this troublingly in-depth study. Go ahead and plunge into the physics that follow. I am too soft in the head to look past the introductory paragraph, but I just KNOW my nerdier friends will come trumpeting back with the report that the math is skewed or the kinematic ratios are off.