I've Got Balls

According to Rick, the energetic, 45 year old divorcé with whom I just had "coffee" (although neither of us drank coffee), I have balls.

"You've got balls," he says and then laughs. "I like that."
I need to think about this so I take a sip of my drink before answering.
"Balls, huh? I never would have guessed that."
"Are they big? They must be really tiny. I've never seen them."
He has his chair pulled up as close to mine as is humanly possible without stacking them. He roars again with laughter.
"Someday, you'll tell people that on our first date I told you you had balls."

I believe I just did.

(see comments for additional information on this "date.")

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Blogger Tara said...

"Welcome! You've got [balls]!"

Sounds like a classy thing to say to someone on the first date(sprinkle, sprinkle, tap, tap).

29/6/05 21:52  
Anonymous calum said...

Where I'm from that's an insult.

30/6/05 07:36  
Blogger k_sra said...

Yes, but here apparently telling a girl she has balls is a compliment. Bollocks.

30/6/05 08:00  
Blogger El Fid said...

"without stacking them" 8.9 9.5 9.6

30/6/05 09:10  
Anonymous Joey said...

Why are you going on dates with a 45 year old divorcé?

30/6/05 09:49  
Blogger k_sra said...

Don't ask.

30/6/05 10:08  
Blogger k_sra said...

Alright, here's the truth, Joey:

I'm old man bait.

Ok? Are you happy now?

I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep on my thin, ratty duvet cover.

30/6/05 12:42  
Blogger Worldgineer said...

That doesn't seem like appropriate work behaviour.

30/6/05 13:21  
Blogger k_sra said...

Well, it's not exactly an appropriate workplace...

I just want to add a couple of additional things I learned from Rick last night, because they are just eating at me.

Apparently, I'm "too much" for a younger man. Any man who is younger than me or just my age "wouldn't be able to handle" me. I wasn't aware of this until Rick pointed it out. That explains why only forty to eighty year olds ask me out. Everybody else is terrified just terrified.

I also learned that the best age of woman for a man is found by applying the following math formula: Man's Age divided by 2 + 7 years. So, say for instance, a man is twenty, his ideal woman would be seventeen. And when a man is forty his ideal woman should really be twenty-seven. And when he is eighty his ideal woman will be forty-seven. So I should be looking for a forty year old this year. Next year I will need a forty-two year old. The year after that a forty-four year old, etc. looks like I can't really hope for a long term relationship since I'll always need someone different and older.

And last but not least, I am exactly what Rick is looking for in a wife. While this might be flattering to some people, it scares me shitless to have a man already planning his second family over overpriced soda and ice water with a woman he doesn't know.

30/6/05 13:46  
Blogger Worldgineer said...

Poor Rick. Maybe women his age are too much for him. My guess is he'll have to adjust his equation a few more times until he finds someone naive enough to believe it.

30/6/05 14:07  
Blogger graculus said...

I did the sums, and for me it works. but i'm just a dirty old git anyway....

30/6/05 15:54  
Anonymous Gober said...

Your math scares me...

I'm 23... I'm dating a 20 year old (just barely 20)...

By the way, I'd totally ask you out if you lived here. Maybe it's just an east coast thing with the old guys hitting on you. Or maybe you cursed yourself with the whole "grandmother" thing on multiply.

1/7/05 06:29  
Blogger k_sra said...

Aw, thanks, Gober (even though Winter would never approve). That does help, a little. : )

I would like to add that I am not only a grandmama on multiply, I'm also a granddaughter. I'm versatile like that.

1/7/05 08:12  
Anonymous Joey said...

You deserve better. Check out this guy: http://www.see-tom.com

1/7/05 09:13  
Blogger k_sra said...

It says I have to wait fifteen more minutes to see tom. (drums fingers impatiently.)

1/7/05 10:46  
Blogger k_sra said...

Thanks, Joey! I like Tom! Just what I always wanted for my birthday. : )

1/7/05 11:43  
Anonymous Joey said...

I liked the Bop Tom part the best.

1/7/05 13:26  
Anonymous Joey said...

Is it your birthday?

1/7/05 13:26  
Blogger k_sra said...

No, not yet. Soon though. I'm coming to NY for my birthday and we're going to go watch a snooty film while sipping cheap wine and making snarky comments. OK?

1/7/05 13:55  
Blogger Steve DeGroof said...

//I also learned that the best age of woman for a man is found by applying the following math formula: Man's Age divided by 2 + 7 years.//

So I should be looking for a 28-year-old? I don't know if I'd have anything in common with someone who was born the same year Star Wars came out. Eve looks 28; does that count?

13/7/05 10:18  
Blogger Steve DeGroof said...

Something just occurred to me: What Rick is saying, if you consolidate all of his comments, is that he's looking for a 29-year-old with balls who's too much for a younger man.

13/7/05 10:28  
Blogger k_sra said...

HAHAHA! I'll tell him that next time I see him.

13/7/05 11:01  

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