9.19.2005

Hell No, We Won't Go!

Q: What's worse than living in a giant stadium with no privacy, no posessions and no home?

A: Living in Cleveland. Apparently.


Mayor Jane Campbell announced shortly after Hurricane Katrina to a polite crowd of Clevelanders that Cleveland was opening its doors and its hearts to a thousand evacuees from Hurricane Katrina. The beds were made, the water bottles stacked, the temporary housing was all in place. And Cleveland waited. And waited. And waited.

Word slowly trickled back from the Astrodome: No one wanted to come. Awww, poor Cleveland! So, FEMA decided that rather than let Cleveland feel like the unpopular kid at the lunch table clutching his bag of off-brand chips and his dinted apple, that they were going to force 500 people to relocate to Cleveland. (I'm laughing so hard as I write this that I'm having trouble seeing my keyboard.) The poor bastards!

Welcome! : )

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17 Comments:

Blogger chopper said...

That's downright unconstitutional-- cruel and unusual punishment. You ought to make a documentary exposing this injustice.

19/9/05 08:14  
Blogger J.a.G. said...

aww! Cleveland is the nerd in the corner that'll bring down your popularity just by saying hi.

19/9/05 11:17  
Blogger Worldgineer said...

And that your mom forces you to go to a dance with.

19/9/05 11:37  
Anonymous DrCurry said...

Shoulda done what NYC did - we just flew them in. (More accurately, various local churches paid for air tickets for evacuees, and provided apartments for them to come to.)

19/9/05 16:01  
Blogger Steve DeGroof said...

I can't help thinking that the Drew Carey Show had something to do with this.

19/9/05 19:13  
Anonymous mrw said...

And I thought Toledo was the place in Ohio where nobody wanted to go....

19/9/05 20:58  
Anonymous Matthew M. said...

I've lived in Columbus for nearly ten years. Not once - not once! have I met anybody who admits to being from Toledo. Finally, this past summer I drove there to make sure it really existed. Their art museum has a remarkably hideous sculpture garden.

Clevelanders, on the other hand, are everywhere. They often have a bit of a shoulder-chip about their city. They've heard all the cracks, but they insist Cleveland has a lot to offer.

So, I ask, can you give me an example? Invariably - I can mouth the words with them - they say "The RocknRoll Hall of Fame!" ...BLEAGH!

21/9/05 11:04  
Blogger k_sra said...

I once knew a kid from Toledo. I went to college with him. His hair was like a flame and always spiked on top of his 6'4" head. He had the best name ever: jonathon david north. I often wonder where he is.

The Rock Hall is lame. But it keeps the tourists away from the rest of Cleveland. So that's nice.
The Metroparks are really the only cool thing we've got. That and the "FREE" stamp in front of the Justice Center.

21/9/05 14:54  
Blogger Worldgineer said...

She once knew a kid from Toledo.
On the top of his head was a flame.
Could be living next door for all we know,
but at least she remembers his name.

(Sorry, your first line was just screaming for a limerick)

21/9/05 16:28  
Blogger gnomethang said...

So Beggars can be choosers!

21/9/05 16:46  
Blogger Worldgineer said...

[k], just give the word and I may be able to help you find him. We found Tara, right?

22/9/05 11:20  
Anonymous Matthew M. said...

Cleveland gets tourists?

If we were to get tourists here in Columbus, (say, if a connecting flight was delyed because of storms on the east coast) I would imagine they'd all go see the Santa Maria. If I were to have married a pirate lassie (arrrr - see newest Ksra thread) I'd marry her on that little ship. On the other hand, it'd be too ripe for snickering 'keelhauled' and 'walking the plank' jokes.

22/9/05 11:22  
Anonymous Matthew M. said...

Speaking to the original point of this thread, though - it's hilarious that New Orleans refugees (oops) don't want to relocate to Ohio. That reminds me of once, around 1997, when I was watching Jeopardy. The winner was very excited. That is, until the grand Prize was revealed to be an all-expense weekend trip to ... Columbus Ohio!! Downtown accomodations plus spending money!

The funny part was when the winner turned it down. Poor Columbus - rejected, with prejudice, on national television.

22/9/05 11:27  
Blogger k_sra said...

I'm glad you asked, World. Please find him. Thank you.

(I feel so powerful!)

22/9/05 14:06  
Blogger Worldgineer said...

Just call me your stalking puppet.

22/9/05 14:34  
Blogger Worldgineer said...

(sigh) I've failed. His full name doesn't exist anywhere I know to check, and any short version is too common.

Here's a few leads, though they aren't very good:

exec

This guy grew up in Ohio and had friends with a Jon North in 1999

search one

search two

Oh, and he doesn't own a house in Cleveland.

22/9/05 15:36  
Blogger Worldgineer said...

Any of these him? Maybe the termite mound guy ?

22/9/05 15:39  

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