From Shoddy To Hottie In Five Days!

There is only one problem with trying to look like a hottie after years of general dowdiness. It ain't easy! I have bags under my eyes, big pores, and flabby muscles. (My hair, however, looks awesome, per usual. Thanks, hair!) But the rest of me has a general lack of the je ne sais quoi I was known for in my youthier youth. How’d that happen? Or rather why? I think the answer is summed up in these two magical words: Cleveland Secretary. You say it once and you’ll know what I mean. For one thing, not all attention is good attention. I mean, there are men and then there are men. And getting your ass checked by the quality control squad every time you walk down the street takes the fun right out of dressing up perty. Yes it do. Secondly, I'm a writer/filmmaker wannabe. Being a "hottie" is not in the job description. I'm sure. I checked. Artist chicks are supposed to look intelligent and slightly brainy. They're supposed to give off that I'm-successful-and-love-has-passed-me-by vibe and I do. In spades. But now I'm trying to translate that into pouty, teen queen femininity. Wish me luck.

If nothing else, I have spent a boat load of money on myself! I feel pretty good about that.