Made In The USA - Nudity Edition

So, let's say you just made a solemn oath to only patronize American manufacturers (for the sake of argument, fill in the name of your own country, unless it's China). You decide to begin the revolution right now with what you're wearing. How naked would you be? My guess: Jaybird naked.

I did a rundown of my own clothing today and got the following list:

glasses: Italy

sweater: Dominican Republic

blouse: Bangladesh

bra: (yes, I went there) Thailand

pants: China

underwear: Hong Kong

socks: ??? (could be American made!)

shoes: Vietnam

So, best case scenario, I'd be standing in my socks. How about you? Where are your clothes from? And if you're going to check all your labels, you might want to find a private place... I'm just saying. : )

(and , no, this isn't the first time I've been curious about this...)

Wedding Gowns from Hell

Being that I am looking into the forthcoming nuptials of my sweetheart and myself, I've ravaged the internet for images of wedding dresses of every size, color and description. One thing that is really starting to come home to me in a whole new way as never before is that wedding dresses are boring. That's right, I said it: boring. Currently, women in my country are wearing a bland a-line strapless number and clutching the same damn clump of roses. Let the tears of my boredom begin. Which is why I have to take a break from the freakishly repetitive and delve into some horrific wedding gowns just to take the edge off. I thought I would share some of this eye-poison with you all. Enjoy!

This first gown, features the mother-in-law's dream of where her new thorn-in-the-flesh can place her bouquet. I think the look on the model's face pretty much sums up that gown.

And next we have this boudoir-meets-Britney-Spears number. I'm not sure what's going on here, but her hair is trying admirably to detract from the massive exposure her thighs are undergoing. She has a well and truly hideous Amywinehouseesque hairdo to compliment her cheap, satin-flower bouquet. What's most terrifying about this spiderweb minidress is that it was designed by a company that is still in business. And that just makes no sense at all! If anything this dress is screaming "Take me to Vegas, I'm three months pregnant, only fifteen, and have the fashion sense of a d-list actress!

Someone, please explain to me why it is that heavy brides gravitate to the most unbecoming dresses imaginable? This woman evidently thought she was going to have a period wedding, little knowing that women of the period in questions were not given to corpulence. Don't get me wrong, I think a heavier woman can look damn good in her wedding dress and bowl her man off his feet, just not in this dress. It looks like someone poured frosting over her... gallons and gallons of it. Not one piece of this dress is actually tailored to her body. The most insulting thing about this picture is that she had her groom hold the flowers so that we could really see her custom-made monstrosity! If that woman has a maid of honor, the girl should be strangled.

I hope you can enjoy this next picture as much as I did. First of all, it took me several seconds to locate the bride's face above the orgasmic explosion that is her "sleeves." Then I doubted that was her face and thought we were looking at her back, but no, there were two tiny, scared eyes looking out from under her bouffant back at me. Only after another minute did I then see the tuft beside her. Which apparently, is her equally unfortunate flower girl. Or perhaps that is an illegitimate child which she isn't quite ready to present to the groom, so she has cleverly disguised the child as an extension of her bridal confusion.

I swear she's hiding an aerobed under that dress!

This last one actually won an award from Guinness World Book of Records for being the heaviest wedding gown on record. 25 stone. Which translates for us Americaners as roughly 350 pounds of drama. She's sixteen, which may account for some of it. She has something like 30,000 crystals covering the dress, dozens of metal hoops to hold the structure up (three of which she had to remove to get through the church doors) and ten (yes ten) wedding guests were required to assist her up the aisle. Talk about a graceful entrance!

Labor Day Fashion

I have it on good authority that you should never wear white after Labor Day. So I did: white short-pants and white open-toe-sandals. I'll be the scandal of all of Cleveland. I'll have to speed through Beachwood tonight so as not to be hauled from my vehicle and made into a public example.

On another purely tangential note: I went to Cedar Point with Raymond on Friday. Top-Thrills Dragster took my breath away, the Magnum tried to take my hat away, and the Millenium Force (we sat at the front) decided to give rather than take. Raymond and I had several dead bugs to show for ourselves on the fronts of our shirts. We laughed ourselves sick. (Oh, and the new ride, the Maverick, is really quite wild. I would have liked it more if it hadn't tossed my head about quite so much.)

And for those of you State-side, what did your weekend produce in the way of entertainment and relaxations?

T-shirt Envy

You know those sites all over the internet with the "cool" t-shirts with their "hep" slogans and cynical sayings? Well, I generally like the idea and very rarely covet the application. But yesterday I met my match in a light blue t-shirt (great start) with one of the best decals I'd ever seen. Peep this:

That's just awesome! And I want to get this one for my nephew, but he's still a little small for it.

Split the Difference

I went blonde a year and a half ago and in retaliation my hair is dying a slow and painful death from the tips up. It is splitting and cracking like a patio in a hurricane. Tying itself into knots.

So now I am hair obsessed and wondering how I can keep from looking like this:

And when will my hair be healthy again?

I can kind of relate to Freida Kahlo in moments like this.

Ugg is for Uggly!

Ladies, let's have an honest discussion about footwear. Some footwear is attractive:













Some footwear is not:












Can we all agree that Uggs are uggly and that a beautiful woman should avoid putting them onto her body, at all times, unless she is in a blizzard in Minnesota? In which case, we would all be spared seeing them due to the driving snow. That would be ok. but seriously, them are some uggly boots. Just because celebrities wear them does not make them look any better. They look ugly on Kate Hudson and they will look ugly on you.















Please, stop the Uggs!

Drawing On A Blank

There's just something about a Blank T-Shirt...

Makes me wanna cover it with something sassy.

You?

Where Are Your Clothes From?

Don't ask me how I became curious about the origins of my clothing today, but I was:

Shirt: US (Northern Mariana Islands)
Bra: China
Skirt: Hong Kong
Underwear: Israel
Shoes: India
Glasses: Italy

Feel like baring all? Let me know where your clothes are from.

Wooster Hawgs

FYI, the Hawg Closet in Wooster, Ohio is going out of business. So, those of you who, you know, need one or two last t-shirts and maybe a leather pantsuit, be sure to stop by. Right next to the Seattle's coffee shop on North Market Street as listed in the Leather Pages.

Do You "Jump Dress?"

Random Photo of the Day

Costume SWAT

My chest hurts a little from laughing at these costume reviews.


(my friend skinflaps found these last two items. Thanks, skin!)

Simply put

This t-shirt expresses my feelings pretty well.

Secrety Secret

I'm wearing sticker earrings today!
Shhhh!


*heeheehee*

Gig Harbor man wins third in world beard contest

Seattle is talking about the competition. My favorite quote in this article is, "We don't stand a chance against the Germans."
I'm waiting for the really juicy stuff: the barber intrigues, the beard steroids and lustre enhancers, wardrobe malfunctions - all the things that make a World Beard and Moustache Competition what it is.

Beard Barons

Damn it feels good to be a gangster!

I'm very excited to announce that the World Beard and Moustache Championships are at hand! October 1, 2005 will see the streets of Berlin literally bristling with the bushiest and most breathtaking beards known to man! Check out these categories!

Before I die, people, before I die I will attend.

Hopefully not as a competitor.

(If you'd like to keep up with Team USA, you can read their blog.)

Nothing Works

My cellphone won't ring.
My computer stalls.
My heater is cold.
My email won't load.
My clock is slow.
And blogger won't take my pictures.

But my outfit... now that's one thing that does work.

And really, what else matters?

Better Betty's vs. Worse Wilma's

It's a test of true friendship, a sign of utmost loyalty, its how you know you'll be best friends 4ever, KIT, LOL, AWOL, ESPN etc. You've decided to go to a costume party dressed as Betty and Wilma. Here are a few girls who decided to take their friendships to the next level. You be the judge. Who makes the best prehistoric duo?

Team 1.















Team 2.



















Team 3.




















Team 4.














Team 5.

Caption Contest

Here she is, folks, the face of this week's Caption Contest.

Make of her what you will. Found, as always, at Handknits for Young Moderns.

Fabulous Prizes for our First Place Winner! W0O+!

Fashion Update

Fashion Week is coming up so I thought I would round up a few of the hottest looks so we can all stay current. Let's take a look-see!













This season's look is skinny and bored. If you aren't skinny at least try to look extremely uninterested in everyone and everything around you. If you have a cat, use it as your model. Of course pairing a look of utter boredom with a wraith-thin body screams high-fashion, so try to shed those last one hundred pounds of excess body fat and muscle. Whatever you wear, remember, emaciated ennui completes any look!