Happy Birthday, Spam!

You old son-of-a-gun! : )

(Click pic for the birthday scoop)

In Response To Nigerian Spam

DR MRS BENNY OKOH.
OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS,
INTERNATIONAL CREDIT SETTLEMENT,
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA.

Hello Dr. Mrs. (which is it?),

ATTENTION BENEFICIARY:THIS IS TO OFFICIALY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT /INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FUFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT / INHERITANCE PAYMENT.

Wow. I didn't even know that why I had an inheritance file! Who did I inherit that from?

SECONDLY WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK ALL YOUR ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU.

I think you mean "Nuns," and yes, I too thought it was fishy that the bank was staffed with Sisters.

WE WISH TO ADVICE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THIS HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISHES TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM.

I certainly wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of international law, especially considering you guys have already opened an inheritance file on me! Good thing you adviced me about that. Tell me what to do, Dr. Mrs!

RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC, THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION BY THE PRESIDENT CHIEF OLUSEGUN OBASANJO (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.

So, let me get this straight: the President of your country told you to get me my inheritance through the Swift Card Program located in Center Asia Pacific? Wow. He really is involved with the small stuff, isn't he?

THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD,

Sweet!

BUT THE MAXIMUM IS ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS PER DAY,

Doh!

SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECIEVE YOUR FUND THIS WAY PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING THE CARD PAYMENT CENTER AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION:

I Loves Me Some Free Money! = )

PERSONAL DATA"S: (love the plural!)
FULLNAME Mundo Belch Shipley
ADDRESS 1 Pencilnek Dr. (P.OBOX NOT ACCEPTABLE)
CITY Yellowstone Park
STATE Wyoming
COUNTRY Florida
SEX Not currently
AGE 16
MARITAL STATUS Divorced
OCUPATION Lawn and Garden Care Facilitator
FAX/TELEPHONENUMBER 876-921-3321
NATIONALITY Floridian


CONTACT PERSON: DR.UJU MADU INTEGRATED PAYMENT DEPARTMENT

*writes down* Dr. Mrs. Uju Madu-du

THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT $8,300,000.00 AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR 2007.

That is SO much money! I am totally inheriting that!

ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(s). THIS IS TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN FINALIZING YOUR PAYMENT.

Sure don't want those hitches! What rhymes with hitches? You guessed it: Legal Problems!

NOTE: THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HEREBY ISSUED YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT, WHICH IS (811) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER.

Very comforting to know you have Code of Conduct. So many unscrupulous people have none whatsoever. Thank you, Dr. Mrs. Madu-du. I look forward to getting my inheritance ATM card any day!

Love,
Mundo B. S.

BILL GATES IS SHARING HIS FORTUNE!!!

"I am an attorney and I know the law. This thing is for real..."

And so begins the email letter about the generosity of Bill Gates as he conducts an email beta test with the help of a few good Americans. I just received this particular letter again today. I can't remember when I first saw it. Which of course made me wonder when it actually started. The letter has no specific dates. Instead it says things like "This took two-pages of the Tuesday USA Today-It is for real!" and "This was on the 9:00 o'clock news the other night so I'm assuming it works." So being the good little internet explorer that I am, I set out to find the origins of this particular web fossil.

First of all, the hoax began as a letter from Bill Gates himself to the good people of the internet back in 1997. He explains in his letter that if this "beta test" reaches 1000 people then all 1000 will receive $1000 and a free copy of Windows 98. (hehehe) Since that early version, the letter underwent many changes: Bill Gates was abandoned for a phony "executive" or sometimes no name at all, new testimonials cropped up including one from the writer's "brother's girlfriend" who's email address is lucklessly included in the letter as a great place to send questions, even the pay rates have gone up over the years for emails sent. This is one email hoax that keeps up with inflation and you gotta respect that.

But as this dinosaur, along with countless others that have seen the insides of countless mailboxes, roams the internet, I have to wonder how easy it would be to create my own hoax and throw it into the void of thoughtless mail forwarding... All I would need was a badly written, urgent promise of fabulous and easily gotten wealth. Maybe from Oprah.

Must. Resist.