Eat With The Dead

Prank of the Week

Picture of the Day

Photo of the Day

Notariety

In passing, and just to be funny, I asked him to notarize my tea bag handle. Then he brought me a piece of notarized toilet paper, which I thought was hilarious. Then he made an official signed document out of my sangria recipe. At the bottom it says, "I acknowledge that the attached recipe, to the best of my knowledge, allows for preparation of a truly delicious Sangria. Further, I sayeth naught." The notarized Sangria to wit.

I love Tuesdays!

Caption Contest

Haven't had one in a while. Winner takes all.

("All" being a slightly used version of my former self.)

Segue to a New Week

It's almost the end of my weekend as I know it. I've got a bellyache from too much good eating, a headache from too much good sunning, and a heartache from too much good loving. The man left town for a stich. He'll be back and maybe now I won't be tempted to stay out at parties till three every morning. I seriously need a nap. Think I'll watch a Criterion Film with my brother.

For those needing to learn something, get a load of the Territory of Sealand. No really, I might become a citizen. Joel told me about it.

Uncontrollable Fortune

Dove chocolates puts little bits of squirelly wisdom on the inside of their foil chocolate wrappers in order to add appeal to their product. The chocolates are ok on their own, but apparently they need to offer you advice at the same time as offering you a bit o' chocolate. They generally say things like, "Smile at yourself in the mirror." And "listen to your heartbeat and dance." You know stupid stuff like that.

And then there's this one that I got last night:

Do me a favor. Fill in the blanks:

[____] uncontrollably... it clears the [___].

Be Jackson Pollock

Pretty straight forward, actually.

Go nuts.

Why Doorknobs Are So Important

Last thirty seconds are what we all came here for...

BIGGER

It's a verb!

(Thanks, Afro)

Music Appreciation Moment

You know, I'm not one to blather on about music on the web. It doesn't usually occur to me to talk about what I'm listening to, but just now a song came on that I needed to applaud.

Gladys Knight and Pips singing I Heard It Through The Grapevine. Have you heard this version? It's got so much soul, class and funk. I think I need to listen to it again. I used to think Marvin Gaye's version was the best seeing as how it was the biggest hit, but I take that back now. It's Gladys all the way. You go, Girl!

Folgers Coffee Is Evil

Don't believe me? Watch their commercial.

Drawing On A Blank

There's just something about a Blank T-Shirt...

Makes me wanna cover it with something sassy.

You?

Make-A-Word

What words can you make from the following word?

Peanut-Butter Hot Dog

Chubby kid invents fattening food! Bet they taste good, too.

Ten Tag Time

1. What do you think might be the next great discovery we will witness? And/or the next generation? Peanut Butter Toothpaste with Flouride

2. What do you feel are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?How do you think your closest friends would answer that question? Greatest strengths are too numerous to count, greatest weekenesses too few to bother thinking of. My friends are not allowed to discuss me without my written consent.

3. Why do you think your last relationship failed? I've given this a great deal of thought and finally after much soul-searching and painful self-evaluation I have come to believe that it just wasn't right between us. She was a bird. I'm a human. There were just too many differences.

4. If you could change careers, what would you do instead? I can change careers. And I intend to. Often.

5. What was the first work of art you saw in person that really impacted you? It was a sunset. You know the kind: too beautiful to remember; too haunting to forget.

6. When you were a child, where did you find solace? And now, as an adult, where do you seek it? As a child I turned to prostitution and drugs for comfort. Now I just turn on the John Tesh Radio Show.

7. To what degree do you think fear or insecurity impacts our abilities or success? 34 degrees South, 55 degrees East

8. Oh, no. There's a fire. What do you take with you? Marshmallows, hot dogs

9. ___ just makes my head explode. Explosives, most likely

10. Most people wouldn't guess that you __. Most people wouldn't guess anything about me, because people are generally too self-absorbed to care about others. However, if forced to look at me and make some sort of ill-advised assessment, most people would not guess that I am a hardcore, Bible-thumping, born again, dyed-in-the-wool Christian. : )

(From Steve Degroovy)

Dat B da Pitch, Man.

I'd go into business with him just to watch him pitch stuff. Seriously if we could hook Ali G up with the Halfbakery we'd have comedy gold for at least a decade.

FantaZyland

Looking for an entertaining place to take the family? Somewhere exotic where you'll have stories to tell? Look no further! FANTAZYLAND in Alexandria, Egypt is the place for you!

De-Nile, people, it's more than just a river in Egypt.

Conversations with my Boyfriend

Me: I dreamt last night that my room was filled with birds' nests and the nests were filled with eggs, but they were all dead. And then vultures were trying to get into my room and eat them.
Boyfriend: You're just freaked out because your bird went away.
Me: I am freaked out!
Boyfriend: I can tell you where you went wrong with this whole thing.
Me: Really? Where did I go wrong?
Boyfriend: You named the bird.

Best Buy Prank

Possibly one of the funniest I've read from the Improv Everywhere team. Need a blue shirt!

And She's Gone

Elloise has disappeared. She is MIA. I last saw her Friday night. Saturday morning when I left town for the weekend I noticed she was not on her nest. I assumed she was getting food. One of her eggs had a little crack. I thought, "Oh, it's going to hatch soon! And I'll probably miss it." But when I returned Sunday night, there was still no Elloise. And the nest was silent. The two eggs sat exactly as I saw them last, one slightly cracked, the other intact. Cooling and dying, if they're not already dead. And I can't save them.

I'm more than a little sad.

Octopulp!

Link courtesy of Calum
(reminds me of a date I had in college...)

Expedition!

A lovely recording sent to me by lostdog during my long bout with the common cold (now almost over). No doubt he sent it to cheer me up. No doubt it did just that. Thought you all might enjoy it.

When Pheasants Attack

Only in England...