Random Word Association Game

Put a word (any word) to each of the following letters:

b
t
l
s
e
v
a
d
b

Yay or Nay to Hitler?

If you want to know what a dictator looks like, check their election ballots.

Children's Story

Here's a nice little bedtime story for all you grown kids out there (click pic):

Sand Storms

Another reason to avoid visiting Iraq...

Chicken Arms

Angelina Jolie has a gorgeous face and weird chicken arms. I guess you can't have everything...

US Civil War Recap

Five years in four minutes. Keep an eye on the casualties counter at the bottom.

Dreams of Flying Photography

These will mess with your head, but they are pure delight.

1864 Baseball with Conan O'Brien

Just a little something to get your Monday morning on track (assuming you have sound/video capabilities and free time at work. I still haven't seen the end of the clip, but the first half is wonderful.)

Speaking of aberrant versions of baseball, just went to my boyfriend's first softball game last night. His team lost, but he looked good. : )

Took my nephew with me. Fed him sugar, sugar, goldfish crackers and sugar, and then my boyfriend took us out for ice cream. My nephew was up all night before puking. *sigh* Can't spoil children like you used to could! (Sorry, D!)

Main differences between baseball and softball as I remember it from our conversation at the ice cream place:

• Softball is bigger than a baseball
• Ball is pitched underhand
• in this case, batters start with a 1-1 count (1 strike, 1 ball)
• in this case, 11 men on field instead of 9
• in this case, no metal cleats on the field

Here's a fun page: See the salary vs performance stats of all thirty major league teams throughout the season.

A Brush With Nobility

Many regular readers have asked me from time to time what became of the hairy-eared old gentleman who chased me from the bus all those years ago to dote upon me with the gift of jam. "Where is Noble these days," they would say. Where is Noble, indeed! I would reply. For all I knew the ancient researcher had gone on to a better place and was no more. But it seems fate had another chance meeting in store for myself and the brittle Brit (from whom this blog earned the top ranking google search spot for "manatee kidneys.")

Today I saw him at a cafeteria near my office. He has forsaken the cabby hat of yesteryear and donned a baseball cap (and I am sorry, but in my excitement upon seeing him again, I completely neglected to pay attention to the decal on the front.), but not the tired tweed jacket with elbow patches for which he is known and loved. I was with a friend and so I did not approach him, only pointed him out. I was in the checkout as he rounded the corner of the salad bar and headed to the coffee station. I and my friend found a quiet spot on tall stools along one window. As luck would have it, Noble had already claimed the table next to us. As he came over I saw, out of the corner of my eye on one of the chairs nearby, the same dingy green knapsack from which the famed jar of strawberry preserves was once produced! Noble set down his tray to eat his lunch. Lunch consisted of two large pieces of soft bread and a cup of coffee with cream. I tried not to look at him too much as my friend and I ate. We talked and laughed per usual, but I could feel a Noble moment right around the corner. I knew I couldn't leave without saying hello. I had to say hello.

As we stood up to leave I said loudly, "Hello, Noble! How are you?"
"What?" He looked up at me with his mouth full.
"Good to see you. How's your research?"
Still chewing, "What?"
"How's your research?"
He stood up and walked over to me, leaning in with his hairiest ear, "What?"
"How is your research going?" Once again I am in public, yelling at a little old man. How does Noble always do this to me?
"Oh, you work here now?"
"I work on the other side of the street. How's your research in kidneys going?"
"I only come in once a week," he says cryptically with bread crumbs shooting like sparks from his mouth. I notice for the first time that half his teeth are missing in the front and the other half are a dark brown color. He is still talking through the bread crumbs, "You should stop and see me sometime."
"Yes? Where do you work?" I ask.
"I'm at the same place," he says.
"Where is that?" I ask again.
"In Lakewood! Same place I've been living! it's not that hard for you to stop by sometime. On a weekend. Stop by some weekend!" It is a brilliant plan and Noble is already congratulating himself on bagging a romantic encounter. He caps off the achievement with a bit of that magical memory work for which we love him so much. "Your name is Sarah, right?"
"Yes!" I show my surprise that he remembers me so well.
"You look different," he studies me up and down for a moment. he continues, "Your last name is..."
I wait for it. Hoagland. Say Hoagland.
"Hollander, right?"
I burst into the biggest smile, "Yes! Hollander."
"H-O-L-L-A-N-D-E-R?" He spells it out.
"Exactly," I say, wondering what my last name will be the next time we meet. Actually, now that I think about it, he'll probably go right home and look it up in the phone book. If there is a Sarah Hollander out there, I apologize.

I began my exit, "Well, we've got to go, but I wanted to say hi." Noble opened his arms inexplicably and it looked as if he was waiting for a hug. He never got it.

My friend and I headed outside.
"Was that the guy who followed you off the bus?" she asks.
"Yep."
"Then why'd you want to talk to him?" she queried.
"Because he's Noble."

And that's as good a reason as a person should need.

People Who Famously Did Nothing

I wondered today about how many famous incidents centered around a person doing absolutely nothing. Now, I'm not talking about people who got famous even though they do nothing of artistic merit (Paris, you know who you are), but rather points in time when doing nothing had famous consequences.

Here's what I've got so far:

God: On the seventh day he rested from making the world, thus creating the first weekend. We are all eternally grateful!

Marie Antoinette: "Let them eat cake" was a famous quote that proceeded her beheading, but it was attached to a refusal to feed the starving commoners of France. They killed her for it.

Hitler: This one has always fascinated me. Hitler had the French and British army on the run on the coast of Dunkirk and instead of attacking them and cutting them off, he famously did nothing and let 300,000+ enemy soldiers escape to fight again.

David Blaine: Street magician and all around weirdo decided to sit in a plexiglass box hoisted up in the air over the Thames River in London and starve himself. And he was in the news every single day for it. *rolls eyes*

This is a tiny, tiny list, I realize, of the famous nothings accomplished in history, but I only have so much time to devote to it today. Please add your own... or don't. : )

Friday Fun Day (Word Puzzle & List)

For all you committed loyalists to the picture puzzle phenomenon, I present This Week's Haphazard Puzzle:






































This Week's Question and Answer List:


1) Favorite elementary school field trip?


2) Unicorns: Real or fictitious? Discuss.


3) What is your favorite website these days?

Senility Now!

You know those moments when you are walking into a room and sudenly have no friggin clue why you're there? Or someone you see daily, whose name you should know, has just entirely abandoned you as you begin an introduction? Me too. In fact, I have those moments on a regular basis. Truth be told, if you wonder why I blog it is probably owing partly to my rapidly evaporating short-term memory pool.

In order to cope with my early-life senility I have devised various elaborate mechanisms to help me remember important things and events. There is first-off "The Vague Notion." The VN is a critical element in my ability to foresee the immediate future. A certain feeling of dread or anticipation proceeds important events and allows me to continuously remind myself of things I need to do in order to make that event a success. This only works, however, if the event causes great trepidation or great anticipation. If a strong emotion anchors the upcoming event, I am times more likely to remember it at regular intervals.

This doesn't work for say, returning movies to the library or getting to work early for a departmental meeting. For these, less awe-inspiring events, I require something a little less subtle: "The Electronic Reminder." The ER consists of either calendar reminders, email reminders or alarms on my cell phone that go off at strategic times throughout the day. These ensure that the uninspiring deadlines of my life are not completely overlooked. [NOTE: this method has been known to fail. The VN is a much more reliable method of memory-recall.]

The last memory aide, but hardly the least is "The Hand Mark." Also known affectionately as the washable billboard or the scrawl spot. (My boyfriend is not a fan of this method. He would prefer I didn't write on my hands and I sympathize, I really do.) Short-term deadlines require short-term messages written on the back of the hand and later washed off after too many trips to the ladies' room. Often this method is used when dealing with small events; usually interpersonal. Friends, family, colleagues to whom I owe a note, a call, a fiver, etc. If I was reminded to bring a pickle tray to a dinner, for instance, I will jot down "pkle" on the back of the left hand. I try to keep it short. Fewest letters possible. Or, if the reminder is to bring the camera over to my sister's house so that she can take a picture of her family to give to the relatives of her Ethiopian daughters,' I will jot down "cam." If the need to call a friend about her wedding arises during the middle of a busy work day (in case you haven't noticed yet, today is not one of them), I make an HM of the first three letters of her name.

This covers most of the bases for my memory lapses. But there is a territory that no device seems to penetrate. No aide can permeate this forgetful recess in my mind, and that is the chasm known as the "Slippery Fish Zone." This treacherous terrain of my brain eludes all attempts to recall bits of information. Once an event, date, name or idea is lost inside the SFZ, I will never see it again. I've lost perfectly good childhood memories in there and have lost countless arguments as well, because I can't remember the exact anything that is being talked about. This causes me concern. Not so much because it stinks to lose an argument or a childhood memory, but because I'm terrified of getting older with this memory grave already dug to such depths in my head. If I'm not yet thirty and so much information can get swallowed up in this sink-hole, what will I act like when I'm antique?

I guess it really doesn't matter. Once I lose half my memories, I can do what other old people do and start making them up! This actually sounds like a lot of fun and I will entertain and confuse my family with the tall tales I'll be telling from the rocking chair. Win win!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I had something to do... what was it?

(picture courtesy of a production of Driving Miss Daisy)

Horse Races vs The Village People?

Do you see what I see? It's the new streaking!

Pilot Bear

Don't be fooled. Those button eyes have 20/20 vision!

(Click pic for video.)

How Do You Plan To Estivate?

Estivate is the opposite of hibernate, only it refers to Summer not Winter. But instead of meaning just sleeping, it generally refers to how or where you will spend your Summer.

I'm going to a water park at least once! Definitely need to do at least one biking trip. Maybe with camping. A whole lot of picnics and BBQ's. I'd like to go to a few weddings of people I don't really know so me and my honey can dress up, dance together, and still be kind of ignored in pleasant surroundings.

I'd like one day in the sprinklers with my nephews. Preferably in combination with a watermelon eating contest and maybe some water balloon fights.

One night of ice cream cones with siblings to just enjoy the hot air and the dry wit.

Mmm. That's a good list so far.

How about you? Estivation plans?

Friday Fun Day (Word Puzzle & List)

Happy Friday, Blog Readers! Hope your weekend is as wonderful as I fully intend mine to be! : )

Puzzle of the Week:



























LIST:
1) Ever had a premonition that came true? What was it?
2) On a gorgeous Spring day such as this, would you rather be laying idly in a boat tied to the shady edge of a gentle brook, picnic on the grass in a large field or laying on a high hill looking at clouds in an endless sky?
3) Favorite number? Why?
4) Finish this joke: A Cow walks into a bar and says, "[fill-in-the-blank]." to which the bartender replies, "[fill-in-another-blank]!"
5) Plans for the weekend?

Mom Awareness Day

You know how important moms are? Everybody has at least one. Some of us get more than one in a lifetime. Some of us share one with a spouse. Some of us keep one in our house. Some of us are mothers. Some of us wish we were. All of us have appreciated the care of a mother at one time or another. All of us have at least one fond memory of a mom. I know I do!

Here's mine:
My mom plays the piano beautifully. As children, we would often fall asleep to the sound of our mother playing hymns or classical pieces as a way to wind down from a busy day with five (!) children. I loved to hear her play. And when I was older, I would stand behind her as she played and sing songs with her, sometimes for hours. She filled my childhood with music and beauty and for that I thank my wonderful Mother! Happy Mother's Day!

In order to build a little awareness in myself, I investigated motherhood in other countries. What's it like to be a mother in other places in the world? Did you know that Ethiopia is one of the hardest places to be a mother? The incredibly high orphan rate is partly owing to the fact that only 6% of all births are under the care of skilled medical practitioners. Young children have it hard there, too, and even though the numbers are improving, the mortality rate is still one of the highest in the world.

I would just like to honor another mother whose twin girls will hopefully be coming home to the US from Ethiopia next month! Congrats, El Fid, and Happy Mother's Day!

Mr. Airport Baggage Handler

I was ignorant of the Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" campaign until my boyfriend introduced me. This one is particularly rich. Enjoy with a nice tall cold one!

Affect vs. Effect

Puzzled by the decidedly slippery difference between the words 'Affect' and 'Effect,' I decided to Learn Something New Today and post my findings. Come along with me on a magical grammatical journey!

Generally speaking 'affect' is a verb. "Not knowing the difference between the two affected her ability to concentrate at work."
And also, generally speaking 'effect' is a noun. "Studying the dictionary had no effect on the current debate."

Those are general rules and will be correct most of the time.

But in order to effectively use both words, you should also know when they flip-flop roles.

The so-called verb 'affect' becomes a noun when speaking of a person's psychology. "He had an affect of politeness about the whole grammar issue."

'Effect' becomes a verb when speaking of "causing change" or "accomplishing." Ex: "The grammarian hoped to effect change with regards to the two troublesome words."

Now to get more confusing: To nit pick the major definitions of the two words leads us to the following conclusion: 'affect' is to influence, 'effect' is a cause. Catch the difference there? Yeah, me neither. One more time. Affect something and you influence it. But to effect something you actually cause it to change. If you like to think of it this way, you can - affect is the act and effect is the result

So, to review. Affect, verb to influence, or noun, how you appear to be feeling; Effect, noun demonstrating the result of change, or verb, to accomplish change.

I hope that this little post has had the proper effect and helps affect your ability to write clearly. If not, you can just affect an air of knowledgeability and trust that this lesson will one day effect a clarity on your grammar.

Tuesday Blues Day

Yeah, I'm sorry I missed Friday Fun Day and even failed to snag Monday Madness and now my readers are all saying to themselves that maybe that forty million wasn't such a good investment, but I implore you to retain your enthusiasm until the dark cloud of actual work has passed over.

For those who failed to cash in on the interview questions I was posting, you may amuse yourselves by answering these three riddles:

1) What is your Name and what does it Mean?

2) What is your quest? (in life)

3) My second is performed by my first, and, it is thought, a thief by the marks of my whole might be caught. What am I?

Star Harry Wars Potter

It's all the same movie you're watching... over and over. Found here.

Lips Don't Lie

Five Question Interview

Steve DeGroof has obliged my request for an interview and produced the following questions. I have added my answers.

 

1. What's the weirdest job you've ever had?

Greencard Coordinator. Actually it's the job I have right now. It is pretty weird and fairly rewarding at the same time, so I'd have to say I like it.

2. If you had the ability to travel anywhere instantly at no expense, where would you work/live/have lunch?

Work hours still in Cleveland (I mean, who cares, right?), after work hours wherever my boyfriend happens to be, and lunch in Switzerland. I think fresh mountain air would improve my day dramatically. Also, the contrast of going from Cleveland to Switzerland in the middle of the day would probably make every day about the coolest!

3. What ever happened to Noble?

Have not seen him since my last post about him. I'm not sure. Last month I worried about him and wondered if he was ok. I'd have to go after him to find him at this point. I haven't worked up the courage to call his number.

4. Given a choice, would you prefer to visit 1957 or 2057, and why?

1957 definitely. Because the exchange rate is better and so are the cars (!)

5. Two people stand back-to-back, then walk 30 feet, turn left and walk another 40 feet. How far apart are they?

Only as far as their hearts take them. JK. Uhm, this requires a formula that I don't remember any more. Better do a google search of triangulation. Ok, that wasn't it. How about simple trig? OH! Pythagorean thereom... cool... asquared + bsquared =csquared. And since these two people are making two conjoined triangles, I can just solve for 'c' on one triangle and double it. So, if a = 30 and b = 40, asquared = 900, bsquared = 1600, so csquared  = 2500. Squre root of 2500 = 50, so c = 50. 50 x 2 = 100. These two people are standing 100 feet apart; one in the bathroom and one in the living room.
 

I am also contractually obligated to post the following rules:
1. If you want to be interviewed by me, leave me a comment saying "Interview Me".
2. I will respond by asking you five questions of my choice.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to my questions.
4. You will include these rules, and offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Happy Birthday, Spam!

You old son-of-a-gun! : )

(Click pic for the birthday scoop)

Snot Obsessed

Need to clear your baby's nose fast? Suck it out! (Now with patented snot-filter technology *dry heave*)

Pass A Sobriety Test

First of all, nobody likes a drunk driver. They crash into things and they smell bad. So please don't drink and drive. But if you just happen to be innocently commuting from one wine-tasting to another with more alcohol on your breath than in your system, then you'll want to keep these tips in mind. (I think this could also make a great party game. That way, you'll also know when it's time to take your guest' keys from them!)

If Only People Would...