Local Giant Snowman

Could it be that Akron plans to invade Stow by offering this snowman crammed with local footballers?

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Napolean Dynamite's 12 Days Of Christmas

Having no idea when the 12 days of Christmas actually are, I thought I'd share this cheering video.

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I'd rather be...

...the [___] than the [___].

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I Have to Admit...

This SNL video is pretty good.

The Chronic (what?) cles of Narnia.

(stole it off of Other Sarah's page.)

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A Birthday Balloon!

I would like to wish a Happy Birthday to a special person:
My Dad.
Many happy returns of the day, Dabu! Glad you are who you are. It's the reason I am who I am.
: )

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Have a Cracking Christmas!

I'm travelling over Christmas and I may or may not see the front side of a computer for a few days. If I don't talk to you all before the 26th, have a great Holiday Season, enjoy your festivities and wear a party hat for me!

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Caption Contest

One last Caption Contest to keep you all in the spirit till I get back. Worldgineer bequeathed the image to me. I think it was my Christmas present. : )

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Xmas Gullibility Test

How well do you know the Myths and Facts of Christmas time?

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Christmas Crumbs

Here's some bits and pieces I've been accumulating about Christmas traditions over the last few days. Althought there is nothing in this post to indicate why God made fruitcake. I used a picture of the fruitcake to represent crumbs as indicated in the title of this post, that is all. I don't know why in the world we even have fruitcake. No one does. It's strange carmellized fruit bits and its tooth-cracking density defy all logic. I have come to accept that it is our Haggis. We must accept this. It is our gefilte fish, our salo. Whatever. It's our yucky food and it never gets stale or gets eaten. There is some great info in here on other traditional Christmas things like holly bows and eggnog, so enjoy! And thanks to everyone who sent me tidbits!

(From Ray:)

How some of our holiday traditions found their place among the festivities of Christmas…

Wrapping Paper
Wrapping paper, though not a new idea, was only commercialized in this century with the advent of cheap color printing. In Victorian times, people had to be creative. Starting simply with brown paper, they would glue on decorative pictures clippings or dried flowers, and would handwrite greetings to the gift's recipient. A spangle or a glossy ribbon would complete the personal touch. Toward the end of the 1800s, colored borders and cut-outs of Christmas motifs were produced for sale, marking the beginning of the holiday gift-wrapping business.

Saint Nicholas
Centuries ago in Asia Minor (present-day Turkey), a boy named Nicholas loved the story of the Magi, the wise men who traveled from afar to bring gifts to baby Jesus. He admired that they came and left with no fanfare. Years later, after Nicholas became a priest, he showed the same humility by quietly distributing food and gifts among the poor. Soon, however, he became known for his deeds. Yet this didn't affect Saint Nicholas, who continued to serve the poor until his death in the fourth century.

Boughs of Holly
Why do we deck the halls with boughs of holly? The small tree with decorative leaves and brilliant berries symbolizes peace and joy, and because it's an evergreen, it is associated with everlasting life. But most of the holly's symbolism relates to Christ's crucifixion rather than to His birth. Its sharp, pointy leaves represent the crown of thorns placed on Jesus' head by Roman soldiers. Its bright red berries stand for the drops of blood He shed on the cross.

Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol
At a school in London's slums in 1843, Charles saw a swarm of faces--children young in years but in nothing else. He knew the look. As a 12-year-old, he had been forced to work in a shoe dye factory while his father served time in a debtors' prison. This dark spot in Charles' childhood led him to engage in social activism. And it inspired him to write a story about a mean miser, a goose dinner and a little boy with a crutch. His potent tale was an instant success. On the day of its release, 6,000 copies were sold. A century and a half later, its influence hasn't waned. Many a Scrooge-like attitude has been transformed by the power of Charles' Dickens', A Christmas Carol.

Christmas Lights
On New Year's Eve 1879, Thomas Edison unveiled his most famous invention--the light bulb. Only three years later, electric bulbs bedecked a Christmas tree for the first time in the house of the Edison Electric company president.

Boxing Day
"Raps at the door and pulls at the bells," reported an English newspaper in 1841, "averaging one shilling per knock and ring." Such was the custom on the day after Christmas. Bellmen, street sweepers and postmen went door to door to call on their customers. Reciting a poem or offering a printed verse on fancy paper, they collected tips in a box. At the end of the day, the money was used to augment the year's slender wages. Now called Boxing Day, December 26 is an official holiday in many Commonwealth countries today.

Silent Night
In 1816, an Austrian priest penned a simple poem about Jesus' birth. His church organist set these words to music. Together, they premiered their song in 1818 at a Christmas Eve service. Soon after, they parted ways. The fruit of their collaboration would have been lost forever had an organ restorer not discovered the song's manuscript in the church loft in 1825. Today, Joseph Mohr and Franz Gruber's Silent Night is one of the world's most treasured Christmas carol.

(From Calum:)

Emails regarding Christmas and New Years in Scotland:


Snow is fantastic, though rare enough round these Gulf Coast warmed parts to make it a rarity. I suspect I would get a bit hacked off with it if I suffered as much of it as happens in der US. But my family has always lived pretty near the coast, so snow is a treat. I remember being about eight years old hurtling down my granny's croft on a fertilizer bag, my face chapped by the onrushing air, bouncing and bumping to the shore. Christmas and Scotland are uneasy bedfellows. We didn't go for it until relatively recently, preferring to keep our powder dry for Hogmanay, so many of these traditions - eggnog and whatnot - are unknown to me. Our Christmas will be low key, as usual. Oh, just in case we don't "speak" before, have a wonderful Christmas and an awesome Hogmanay and new year.


I have no idea what a Hogmanay is, but I will do my best to have a good one. Oh, and try some eggnog. With a little rum.


Not a hogmanay, Hogmanay. It's just a big piss up, really. Anyway, I am off to source some eggnog and find an impressionable person to try it for me and report back. I am not one to rush into anything, unforwarned.


Are you considered tall and dark enough for first-footing? Do you indeed do that sort of thing? I might have to adopt the tradition? (That last one wasn't a question.)


Tall. Check. Dark. Check. Do I do it? Not so much. It still goes on, to a certain extent, up North, where everyone knows (a) each other and (b) who has the whisky. Down here, it's more of a freezing city centre free-for-all snog-athon. It is an excellent tradition. You should arrive with whisky, shortbread and, if you're very very traditional, a lump of coal (or peat) for the fire. You only qualify as a first footer if you are the first to arrive after the bells/midnight.

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Build your own Carrot Man

Fun and pointless!

Please submit photos to me at ksrasra AT gmail DOT com

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Caption Contest

Calum sent me this picture and it reminded me of two things; one: there are mushrooms growing in the lawn, and two: that I haven't had a caption contest lately. So knock yourselves out!

(And if you are wondering who won the last one with the crazy lady with the lizard on her head, the answer is I don't know. You all won. Nobody did. Whatever. What difference does it make? Why does there always have to be a winner and loser? Why can't you people just enjoy life without trying to vaunt yourselves or cast down others? Why can't we all just get along and live in harmony on this god-forsaken planet without it being about some kind of competition where people are "better" or "worse" than others? Why? What is wrong with you all!?!)

I announced winners for the other one. Well, sort of.

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Words I Don't Know: 'H'

Here are the words I did not know from my pocket-sized Webster's Dictionary until this morning that begin with the letter 'H':

harridan: a disagreeable old woman
hasp: a hinged metal fastener that fits over a staple
hawser: a cable used in mooring or towing a ship
heterodox: holding unorthodox opinions
hod: 1) a trough for transporting loads, as of bricks 2) a coal scuttle
hors de combat: out of action; disabled

And here for your amusement are 'H' words that I like to say out loud. For whatever reason:



Four Eyed Monsters

Coolest as-of-yet unreleased independent film. Watch the trailer, watch the podcasts. I'd like to see the film.

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<< artomat >>

<<it makes total sense>>

(Thanks, half, for thinking of me!)

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Chuck Norris

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Ghandi used to be a Nazi before Chuck Norris Round House Kicked him in the face. Showing him that violence is not the answer.

Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.

All the Delta Force movies are in fact Chuck Norris' real life home videos.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man's blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is a sensitive soul who writes beautiful poetry under a female pseudonym. But if he ever catches you reading it, he'll kick your pansy ass.

Chuck Norris' favorite breakfast cereal is Kellog's Marbles n' Gravel.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris does not live life on the edge; life lives on the edge of Chuck Norris.

And the list just goes on and on...

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This Bear is Dynamite!

Fast-Food Scammer Busted

Now who would go and do a thing like that? Would a face like that lie? Irony of irony's, his last name means "beautiful heart" in French. The only beautiful thing in his heart is the French Fry grease shining in iridescent splendor.

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Which Ugly Famous Person Do You Look Like?

I look like Anna Lindh, Meryl Streep and this guy (see photo left) according to a site which will analyze your photo (Kucinich warning!) and match it to famous faces.

I also look like Charles Bronson. Sweeet!

(Steve found it first. I but stole from him.)

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Watermelon Cocoa and Bus Breath

You ever have one of those grumpy days where you start out grumpy and very little occurs outside of yourself to change the grump factor? It's one of those days for me. I try to ride low when this happens and keep my head down. "It'll pass" is my favorite motto on days like this one. Of course, I still hold out hope that in about twenty minutes things around me will suddenly turn to sunshine and roses and pull me (even unwillingly) from my duldrums. But as of yet, it hasn't happened. (It's not a necessity, either. Just it would be nice...)
I have two major complaints of the morning and I'd like to share them with you so you can be on the look out. I'm here for you, sharing my wisdom so you don't have to.
1) Bus breath. If you get on a bus and the person behind, beside, before or around you is both a smoker and a cold sufferer, switch seats. If you think smoker's breath is bad, try mixing it with cold breath. It is the most horrendously ungodly combination of odors and since you can't open a window on a bus in winter and you're unlikely to breathe fresh air for some time, get away from the stench. Seriously. Let them be offended. Just go. I sat for ten minutes like an idiot with my scarf around my face trying to "thin out" the smell. Didn't work. Would have been a lot happier if I'd just moved. And the smell always increased exponentially when the man behind me rolled out a juicy cough. I almost vomited, but just managed to keep it in. Dangerous. Just dangerous.
2) Watermelon cocoa. Don't let it happen to you. Just because someone gives you a red and white striped candy cane doesn't mean it tastes like peppermint. I wrecked a perfectly good cup of hot cocoa by stirring in what I thought was a peppermint candy cane. You know how you get yourself all set to taste one thing and then it ends of being something completely different and your brain just can't wrap itself around the puzzle of what is going on? Yeah, that was me five minutes ago. And just for the record, watermelon and chocolate aren't that great together. Seriously. It kinda sucks.
Anyways, hope your day is going better than mine. Don't eat the yellow snow and if you're lucky enough to have sunshine and 50 degree weather please don't complain about it here. I just don't wanna hear what kind of Hawaiian print shirt you'll be wearing to the office Christmas Luau party.

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The Truth About Haggis

It's time that everyone knew the truth. And it's time everyone got to play the game, too.

(thanks, dabuheebly.)

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What To Do With Paper Snowflakes

Once you've made your lovely paper snowflakes, iron them lightly and stick them gently to your window with a bit of glue. Only a bit, because you're gonna remove it immediately afterwards. Then, once you've arranged the snowflakes how you want them on the window, you run out to your car, scrape off the ice and snow, warm it up for five minutes, run to the craft store and get yourself a can of this stuff and spray it lightly over your snowflakes. Remove paper patterns and VOILA! Pretty snowflake patterns for the holidays that those stupid kids can "accidentally" keep rubbing off with their stupid, oversized coats (the idiots)! It's a lot of fun and super cheap!

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Vending Machines

What really happens.
(Found here.)

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Puppy of the Week

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Sweeping Generalization Thursdays

"Tall people are good at basketball."

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Paper Everything

Got to admit, some of these are downright awesome! Make yourself a paper Santa Hat, wear it around. Decorate it with a paper panda. Yeah, you heard me. Do it now. And all you homeschoolers out there, get crackin'!
(Stolen lovingly from off of Worldgineer's Multiply page which is NOT a blog. No, not a blog.)

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There's Something Suspicious About This...

...but I can't take the chance that I might bring bad luck on myself or my loved ones if I don't forward this legitimate email, so here goes!

thursday october 13, 2005
here just do it. Body: most people aren't sure of what they really want in life. I received this letter from a friend on the computer, did what it told me to, and within a week, everything I had wished came true!! Here's an exact copy, this really works!!!! 1. To yourself, say the name of the only guy or girl you wanna be with 3 times! 2. Think of something you wanna accomplish within the next week and say it to your self 6 times!! 3 . If you had 1 wish what would it be? say it to yourself 9 times!!! 4. Think of something that you want to happen between you and that 1special person and say it to your self 12 times!!! 5. Now, heres the hard part! Pick only 1 of these wishes and as you scroll down focus and concentrate on it and think on nothing else but that wish. Now make one last & final wish about that one wish that you picked. After reading this, you have 1 hour to send it out to 15 people, and what you wished for will come true within in one week! u only get one chance!!!!! Now scroll down and think of your crush!!! Keep going down Keep going Keep going !!!!!!!! Did you think of your crush? I hope so, that was your last chance. Now pay very close attention this important message! Sorry but once read, must be sent. Yes, this is one of those kinda chain letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1863 and if you break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that after hearing these stories. First Example: Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky girl, up till she got this same chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid since kindergarden. when she got this mail she didn't pay any attention to it. She just thought, no big deal. And deleted it. The next day her dad got fired and her mom dies in a car crash. If she would have sent the letter none of that would have happened and her mom would be alive. Second Example: Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average nerd. Had glasses, was short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51 people in the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a girl since 3rd grade. The next day after sending the chain the girl confessed her love for him ever since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out, and of course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up and married each other to live happily forever. Third Example: Now if you couldn't relate to the others, this'll get ya hooked. Listen to this. A kid named Jordan Johnson was just getting on AOL to check his mail. He was a quiet kid, not that popular but not a geek either. he was just normal. He saw he had mail from his friend. It was this exact letter. Now Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and he knew what could happen if he didnt pass it on. He simply pulled a few friends from his buddy list and sent it along. The next day, about that same time, he got a phone call. It said he had won the lottery! then his dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him Nintendo64 and play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer, and his best friend gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit! Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin' wild! the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out ever since. Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Bar bra but thats only me. We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out with that special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send this to- 1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love life.....forever!!!!! 10 people- your crush will say they like you as a friend......ONLY!!!!! 15 people- your crush will say they like you 20 people- your crush will ask you out! 25 people- your crush will kiss you!! 30 people - Your crush will have sex with you 35 people or more- All of the above!! Don't blow it, it's ur chance to shine! Have everything u wanted, and more! Now, complaining cus u dont have any friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It's simple, just go in a chat room, pick some names and send away! but here's the catch.....you only have one hour to send it after being read. Please pass this to everyone you.. know

Crossing my fingers!!!!!

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Words I Don't Know: 'G'

I was feeling so smug what with knowing all the 'F' words from my pocket-sized dictionary and then I hit the 'G' section...

gaff: an iron hook used to land large fish
gamete: a reproductive cell (sigh, should've known it)
gasohol: a blend of ethanol and unleaded gas
gazateer: a geographic dictionary
gelid: icy cold; frozen
genera: plural of genus
gibbon: an ape with slender body and long arms
gibbous: humped, protuberant
glazier: one who cuts and fits window glass
glissade: a controled slide on ice or in ballet
gloze: to minimize; downplay
grackle: black bird with iridescent plumage (yes, graculus, that means you)
grandee: Spanish or Portuguese nobleman of the highest rank
gustatory: of the sense of taste


Mikey Likes the News

Monkey's and Newsrooms don't mix. Well they do, but then they look like this.

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What do you expect? It's New Hampshire!

Teen Repellant

How to keep those pesky teens from loitering around your store. Finally!

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Like Mother Used to Make

So, I was actually instructed to make paper snowflakes for my office by my boss (this must fall into "other duties as assigned") and I diligently began folding six sided triangles of paper and cutting away bits and pieces to form snowflakes. After about four of them I realized something troubling: none of them looked as cool as the snowflakes my mother makes. This got me thinking about how the creative daughter of a successful snowflake maker was having unsuccessful attempts at making snowflakes and I think I have a reason. Math. I'm no good at math. My Mom is a frickin' genius in the math category and I think that has something to do with her ability to design them in her head, see them on the empty triangle and bring them into the world, perfect and desireable.

I'm gonna have to go get lessons again.

So I saw my mother last night and get this, she not only gave me a goodly sampling of fine little snowflakes (see below), she also gave me a snowflake starter kit, including dozens of prefolded snowflakes in various sizes, just waiting to be born. And I think I can finagle a few more lessons in flakeology. It's good to be daughter!

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Helpful Holiday Eating Advice

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like in single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards!
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. ENJOY!

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Coffee as Art

Makes me wanna go make a cuppa and doodle.

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Corporate Claus

Even Jolly Old Saint Nick has labor issues sometimes.

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Paper Puzzles

All I wanna know is how'd they do that?

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Year of the Skeptic

Are these at all accurate? Seriously. Find yours and tell me if they are true in the slightest.


Singing Sandwiches

Tesco has a bright idea: Make sandwich wrappers that sing. What will those crazy Brits come up with next?

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Word Search Correction

Santa's a Vindictive Son of a Birch

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Stuffed with Madeleines

Come on, people, give Proust a break already!

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Sweeping Generalization Thursday

I would like to start a new tradition on this blog of stating a Sweeping Generalization every Thursday. This idea came about through a conversation with my friend Half in which he said, "All girls are right. At least we guys let them think so." Or something to that affect and then he declared it Sweeping Generalization Thursday and I thought that was a lovely idea so I swiped it for my blog. As I am want to do. So, here's the first. Please add your own.

"Women baristas make better lattes than men."

I actually stole this off of some other person's page after googling generalization, but it seemed as a good a place to start as any.

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Color Me Beautiful

I'm hepped up on Hex coloring at the moment. I petitioned the all-knowing web world for a guide, a key, something to lead me to a knowledgeable place of understanding to just what those little FF's and #OO's meant. My hexly prayers were answered. Here is how my friend Ian describes the complexity that is Hexidecimal Color Display:
The general principle is that the six digits are in fact three hex values (as a pair, each), first a red pair, then a green pair, then a blue pair. The pair is because it's base sixteen - so the leftmost digit of a pair is the 'units' and the rightmost digit of each pair is the 'tens' - except it's not tens, it's sixteens, because it's hexadecimal, not decimal. Next thing to remember is that it's an additive light source, not subtractive, so unlike mixing paint or ink, where the more stuff you put in, the darker it gets (because ink or paint acts as a filter in front of the paper, causing selective filtering and the paper reflects back what's left over), with a video colour display, the more 'stuff' you tell it to display, the brighter of that colour it'll give you. Greater of all three colours together will veer towards white, lesser of all three goes towards black, so that FFFFFF is white, (ie, FF of red, FF of green, and FF of blue = white) and 000000 is black.(remember, FF is hex, and if it were decimal, it'd be 255, which is the most amount of bits you can cram into a byte, which is where the limits at each end of the scale come from - the '#' is often used to indicate hex).After a while, you can take a rough stab at numbers being more or less what colour you think it might end up being. Mid grey is 7F7F7F ('cos 7F is the halfway mark between 00 and FF, in the same way that 128 is between 0 and 255). So, 7F (oh, let's round it up to 80), 00, 00 is half-bright red, no brightness of green, no brightness of blue. Sort of a blood red. Push the red value up a bit, to 90, 00, 00, or even beyond into A00000, the red becomes brighter. Full red is FF0000, but if you want to go even lighter, say, pinky colours, you add white. How? By putting some of the other colours in equally - so that FFC0C0 would be full red, about three quarters(!) brightness of green and blue respectively. Less saturated red, but still far more red than either of blue or green for them to influence the colour in those directions. After a while, you get the knack.

Additional links of colorly funness provided by Steve DeGroof:

HTML color picker
Color scheme Generator (very fun!)
and a HEX converter

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YLSN(a)ED Word Search Puzzle

Just to show how much I care
(and how bored I am)
A word search puzzle!
And you are all included.*

(*Apologies if I didn't include you.)

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Leftover Lunch

So here are all the links, pictures and whatnots sent to me during November's Do-It-Yourself-Campaign that I had not used. It's a smorgasborg (or is it board?) of trivia, fun facts and useless information. So knock yourselves out! (Also, I think it should be noted that though he complains that he can't write a blog, Worldgineer practically maintains this one. I get all my best stuff from him and he's been here since I started. Before even. I think he should be nominated as Vice President of the company. World, I didn't want to tell you, Son, until it was official, but I am grooming you to take over the Blog someday. And Steve, although you were a champion donor, you have a Blog already so I'm cutting you out of the will. Sorry.)

Listed according to donor:

Illegal Soapbox Derby
Women's Products Reviewed By Men
Penguin Warmer Campaign


(Steve Degroof)
What Gender Is Your Brain?
Blog Defamation
Google Maps WebCam Locator
Black Friday Ad Previews (Now over, of course)
3D Doodler
Colorcell Combos
Vibrating Knickers
Online Matchmakers Sued
Your Average Centerfold
Time Capsule Email
Handheld Laser Gun (You know, for kids!)
How To Clean Anything
Flying Bacteria Miracle
Leapin' Lexus!
Will Blog for a Detention
Of Mice and Menus
Beer Cures Cancer



What To Do When Attacked By An Anaconda:
If you are attacked an Anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another. Tuck your chin in. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body. Do not panic. After the snake as examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic.The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time. When the snake has reached your knees, slowly and with as little movement as possible reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your legs. Then suddenly cut upwards, severing the snake's head. Be sure you have your knife. Be sure you knife is sharp.

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Caption Contest

Cuz I need to keep you guys in practice...
(Thanks to World for the picture)
And here's the After photo:

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Step Into The Closet

R. Kelly - that freak on wheels - has launched the R&B opera to end all R&B operas (we hope) and has called it "Trapped In The Closet." Now if you haven't seen it, you need to see at least one of these bad boys (he threatens the world with 10 parts, but as of this moment we are only at 6). Now, I'm not bringing up Mr. Kelly's parapalegic attempts at filmmaking just to diss him, I am actually bringing up his parapalegic attempts at filmmaking in order for you to appreciate how Jimmy Kimmel dissed him.

Required viewing:

First this one (and then these if you're dedicated)
And then these ones (Scroll down the "Late Night" tab to "The Opera")

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Ponder This...

How does an afghan blanket keep you warm when it's full of holes?

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Everyman Goes to the Olympics

Q. What do you get when you watch the Olympics, are overcome with an acute desire to participate, except that you have no skills, are not an athlete and have no country who will send you?

Jonathon Phillips.

That's right! My friend, and internet grandson, has got it into his addle-headed brain to compete in the 2012 Olympics. And he's going to raise $1,000,000 British Sterling for charity in the process. All he needs now are an event he can compete in and a host country to send him. Don't think he can do it? Just watch and see...

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Words I Don't Know: 'F'

Guess what? I know ALL the F-words in my pocket-sized 35,000 Word Webster's Dictionary! I am just that f-ing clever. So, in lieu of words I've learned, I decided to put up a few words I like to say.

F-words that are fun to say:




For True Quote of the Day

"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."

~Paula Poundstone

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Cowboy Lingo of the Day

Cowboy up means what exactly?

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Worst Album Covers Ever

I had forgotten about them until Bazza (aka gnomethang) reintroduced me. Seriously bad album art. Kansas, I think we need look no further than this webpage for the new cover. I'm thinking a spin off of "Joyce." Whaddya think?

Update: Our brave (and strange) friend Koobs has demonstrated what alcohol and apeish behavior can lead to in a sexually charged Catholic College environment:

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Famous For What?

Found at the narrative.

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Our Favorite Words

Graculus mentioned this site before. It's a collection of people's favorite words and why they like them. I would like to bring this 'I' word to everyone's attention:

This is the only word I need to keep up my end of an entire hour-long telephone conversation with my sister. With intonation indicating the raised eyebrow, a slow, sympathetic nod of the head or enthusiastic agreement, all cued from the intonation at the other end. Never has any other word served me so well.
Phil White"

If Phil's sister is reading this, I think you should be rather offended.

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I thought this was a joke...

But it wasn't. And apparently this girl's gotten too much publicity and was probably nominated for a suicide watch so she went into hiding.

There are whole gigantic web communities devoted to encouraging themselves and others to starve and be underweight and malnourished. Most, by their own admission, use it as a form of control for emotional pain that, obviously, cannot be controlled in this way. Most are teens although there are several blogs from "older" women in their twenties and thirties who claim that they can't give it up. New word for the day: "Thinspiration."

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NaNoWriMo Prize Package!

So, after writing madly for days and days, struggling to keep one's ego from the toilet, wrestling with plot lines and character choices and just managing to write the requisite amount of words before the bell on December 1st, what - you may be asking - do you get as a reward? What is the carrot at the end of this rabbit race? What could possibly make this excruciating ordeal worthwhile?

This icon:

Yep. That's about it.

Or I can put up this one if I like it better:

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