A new and better Caption Contest is now underway! You have only to dislodge from your teeming genius brain the beautific fruits of hilarious captionization and plunk it into the comments section of this post to be considered for Fabulous Prizes and world recognition! It's that easy! The competition may be fierce and the petty recapping even fiercer, but it's something we here at YLSN(a)ED can't live without!
Let the captions BEGIN!
(photo found at Handknits for Young Moderns. Per usual.)
HeroMachine Character Generator
Straight Talk From The Onion
I had an early appointment. I parked and ran inside the converted house/office. The woman at the front desk told me to move my car. I did. When I came back she was gone and I stood at the front desk as the doctors filed in with the casual disdain adopted by most doctors. I had a good feeling already.
The woman returned and passed me the usual clipboard which says I give them permission to use my records if a natural disaster hits the area or if I'm mauled badly in a horrible life altering accident or something to that affect. On the patient form it asked, "What would you like us to know about you?" To which I responded, "I would like to keep my teeth for awhile longer." Then it asked, "What do you think is an important trait in a dentist?" I said, "Not assuming my mouth is their property."
I was taken to a waiting room to get my x-rays. The assistant proceeded take the wrong ones. I sat looking at the round mirror on the ceiling thinking, 'That surely puts my mind at ease.'
After the x-rays they shuffled me off to another barely partitioned area. As I sat on the reclining chair I remembered for a moment that the electric chair was invented by a dentist. Then I saw the sign posted in big red letters just outside the window:
Again, not really helping to create a sense of ease or calm. The assistant came running in and out asking if I was sure which of my teeth it was that was causing problems. I kept my headphones on so I could better ignore her. Much hubbub later she realized she was looking at the wrong tooth and finally my prognosis was handed down: I had a dying nerve. My tooth was going to be dead. According to them, quite soon. I tried to take in this information. They rushed me back to the woman at the front desk. Up to this point I had failed to realize how much she looked like a women's volleyball coach.
"We here at (name withheld) Dental believe in creating a relationship with our patients." She began, "We believe in earning trust..." I looked off into the room full of people who were about to hear my ailment, my financial situation and future tooth plans and wondered where this trust was supposed to be coming from. "Now here's what's going to happen: We need to schedule a root canal. After that we'll put a crown on the tooth. Now since you don't have insurance we can try to work out a payment plan..."
I interrupted, "I'm sorry, could you explain what a root canal is?"
She looked a little disgusted and said, "I'll explain everything in just a moment." She rolled her chair towards me and between my legs. "I'm going to show you something." She hoisted her muscular body over me and opening her mouth she inserted her finger into her gaping maw and said, "Shee ziss? Ahn ziss?" She closed her mouth again, "Those are all crowns. I never floss. I'm terrible role model I know, but I got all that work done here. We only use precious metals. We believe in the highest quality work."
I cast an eye towards the waiting room full of patients watching this eerie spectacle. One woman looked up and gave me a faint pitying smile. I sighed. The walrus with the french braid was still going on about procedure and protocols. I cut to the chase.
"How long can I expect this thing last?"
She smiled all-knowingly. "Some of the crowns I have in my mouth I got 'em 25 years ago."
I didn't bother asking about the rest of them. I shelled out the cash and left.
Later that day I returned and picked up my x-rays (much to the receptionist's dismay). I have since made an appointment with someone else. One who knows what he is doing. Thank God for second opinions!
I won't be going back to the dental shop of the devil, but if you want to know of a great dentist in Cleveland then just ask me. I do know the man for the job.
Leaf It Alone
(Info lifted from seadaze.com)
Scavenger Hunt Blog Style
Tell It Like It Is
Found at: http://movinon1.blogspot.com
This is going to be interesting.
Hints: Start with Diva
I did it in five links (not counting my page)
I'm giving away two prizes - one for the most elegant solution and one for the most torturous.
You Won't Believe Me
It's hard work, this. But it's good work. I prefer scrubbing out huge tin pans in the teachers' lounge to washing my own cups and plates at home. And if I had to pick a hard job then carrying trays of food and dishing it out is a fun one. I mean seriously, how many desk jobs rotate from filing papers to chopping tomatoes? How often do you get to finish a spreadsheet and then fire up six sternels? Its the little things in life that make it so rich.
The Laws of Normalcy
Normalcy is similar to gravity. Powerfully compelling us to find a status quo and stick with it. To define ourselves with a pattern or projection of what we are like and what we can expect from life. If it worked for generations before us then it will work for us. If this is the way I've always done something then this is the way I will continue to do it. Or if not to define ourselves, at least we define our schedule, our eating habits, our work and other peripheral activities that we can then point to and call 'ourselves.' We are almost always looking to even out the ride, settle into an efficient pattern to get us where we are going. We all want smoother sailing to get us through our journey. The stronger our patterns for our lives the fewer questions we will be forced to ask and the more we can take on assumption. And assumptions streamline the process of everyday living.
Let me ask you a question: Have you ever witnessed a moment when another human being, either through traumatic events or personal discovery, realizes that their life could be different? Sometimes even should be different. And for a shining moment they reject the pattern they have thus far chosen and start off on another path entirely, living their life with boldness and clarity? I have seen it. May have even lived it. And I have noticed time and again that despite the revelation, no matter how great, the tendency to ebb back into the pattern of previous living is incredibly strong. Sometimes the point of clarity was vivid enough to last a lifetime and it remains a fixed point of change. But more often than not, the point of clarity dims as it recedes into the past.
So, why this essay on normalcy, I hear you ask. Change is difficult and often unwanted. Change is helpful and often unexpected. And when we are handed our chunk of change in life we get to make a choice: we can absorb it into our current life pattern or we can choose to change our life pattern to fit our new circumstance.
And I was curious... Which do you do?
My Pirate Name...
And the Winner Is...
First Place Winner:
Stella was shocked to learn that she was the only one in the world who would ever wear this sweater.
Lukas Abrhm said...
Unfortunately, David's revolutionary new noose contraption didn't really kill people, just made them look ridiculous.
Steve DeGroof said...Congratulations to all our winners and, Sarah, next time pick a better picture. Thanks.
A sudden cold updraft reminded Andrea of the importance of layering.
Better Betty's vs. Worse Wilma's
Beauty in the Dark
By sunset, Asia had grown weary of the confinement of the higher floors of the house and returned to the living room to investigate the rehearsal we were having. She stood for a moment by the door, looking in. She didn't notice the first photo I took. By the second she was in full-presentation smile mode. And it is a great smile.
She worked her way silently across the room and taking advantage of the grown-up conversation to divert attention she circled the microphone closest to the ground. Her grandfather tried several times to shoo her and, momentarily, it worked. But not for long. Eventually, after grandad was onto her resistance she was sent to bed.
The Few. The Proud. The Really Bored.
Hell No, We Won't Go!
A: Living in Cleveland. Apparently.
Mayor Jane Campbell announced shortly after Hurricane Katrina to a polite crowd of Clevelanders that Cleveland was opening its doors and its hearts to a thousand evacuees from Hurricane Katrina. The beds were made, the water bottles stacked, the temporary housing was all in place. And Cleveland waited. And waited. And waited.
Word slowly trickled back from the Astrodome: No one wanted to come. Awww, poor Cleveland! So, FEMA decided that rather than let Cleveland feel like the unpopular kid at the lunch table clutching his bag of off-brand chips and his dinted apple, that they were going to force 500 people to relocate to Cleveland. (I'm laughing so hard as I write this that I'm having trouble seeing my keyboard.) The poor bastards!
Welcome! : )
You Name It
a = snickle b = doombah c = goober d = cheesey e = crusty
f = greasy g = dumbo h = farcus i = dorky j = doofus k = funky
l = boobie m = sleezy n = sloopy o = fluffy p = stinky q = slimy
r = dorfus s = snooty t = tootsie u = dipsy v = sneezy w = liver
x = skippy y = dinky z = zippy
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = dippin b = feather c = batty d = burger e = chicken
f = barffy g = lizard h = waffle i = farkle j = monkey
k = flippin l = fricken m = bubble n = rhino o = potty
p = hamster q = buckle r = gizzard s = lickin t = snickle
u = chuckle v = pickle w = hubble x = dingle y = gorilla
z = girdle
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = butt b = boob c = face d = nose e = hump f = breath
g = pants h = shorts i = lips j = honker k = head l = tush
m = chunks n = dunkin o = brains p = biscuits q = toes
r = doodle s = fanny t = sniffer u = sprinkles v = frack
w = squirt x = humperdinck y = hiney z = juice
Red: Not Just For Necks Anymore
Stranger Than Corn
Random Photo of the Day
If You're Like Me...
Come Fly With Me To Section Eight
Think Of It As A Hug Goodnight
Man vs. Power Line: Power Line Wins
Here's an example:
Modern Day Trout vs. Moby Dick: A Hollistic Fisherman's Paradigm
"Don't Throw Away That Lamp": A Transcendental Reflection on the Recycling Community of Eastern Timbuktu
I'll Hold It Until We Get Home: The Correlation Between Fuel Consumption and Restroom Cleanliness.
Floccinaucinihilipilification and the Over-reliance on Academic Theses.
"We don't need no stinkin' Thesis Generators!”: A look back at the misuse of the English language
I Was A French Deaf Mute: The Problem Of Language Amnesia And Reincarnation
Bellydancing Psychics: Their role in the formation of a futuristic utopian society
"You grew up in a different world," the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have satellite television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and, uh .."
Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the old geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little shit head! Now what the hell are you doing for the next generation??"
! Is Winner The And
For the Caption:
First Place Winner, Steve DeGroof with
Second Place Winner, chopper with
Third Place Winner, Dave with
Congratulations to all our winners!
As a prize, (since this is a reverse contest) all winners will send me a present! : )
Just kidding. I will knit you all a tree cozy... just as soon as I learn how to knit.
My Left Foot
Ain't that a squirt in the face?
Rare Bit of Welsh Wedding Fun
St. Gabriel Blows His Horn
Who's Helping The Upperdog?
South Korea $30,000,000
Japan $200,000 and quadruple that in supplies
Sri Lanka $25,000
Germany MRE's, high-speed pumps, forensic experts
It's almost embarrassing how much aid is coming our way. And also kind of touching. Sri Lanka is still wrapped in the fog of recent tsunami damage. There were reports of aid offerings waiting US approval and even some that were outright rejected. Iran in particular was turned away, but ostensiably because they offered crude oil in exchange for a lift on the trade embargo and apparently the US wasn't feeling it.
Being John Graculus: Concluded
1. I'll respond with a random thought I have about you.
You remind me of Alison.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
Not reminds, but makes me think of you, as I think you would sing it like an angel - Summertime And the living is easy
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello (I may go with a dessert) to wrestle with you in.
Ben and Jerry's Cookies and Cream
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think).
It's not for the Green card!
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
Being grumpy and telling me off for spelling your name wrong.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
What perfume do you smell of?
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog.
Reverse Caption Contest!
Find a photo for this caption:
This kid is my hero
Here in Cleveland, we celebrate our Oktoberfest in September because we are progressive. Or maybe it's just because it's too cold in October. Or maybe because we don't recognize the word "October" when it's spelled "Oktober."
I don't know.
I do know that Tara and I went to the Oktoberfest on the west side of town today and were swept up in the giddy, Germanic fun!
If you listen to this post, you will hear five new swear words or phrases inspired by our time at Oktoberfest. They were in no way influenced by alcoholic beverages. Seriously. They weren't.
Pick your favorite and use it this week!
Tree Cozy (updated)
What do you do when you spot a crochet-covered tree on your way across town? You get a camera and take copious pictures to post on your blog, of course. This Tree Cozy is part of a citywide art project to beautify and enhance our city. I am waiting for a phone call from Cleveland Heights City Hall as to who the artist was and what the "message" of the tree may be. My mother thinks it's a Divers-i-Tree.
UPDATE: This tree was created by artist Carol Hummel, a sculpture teacher at Kent State University. The article (linked) says she has two pieces in Cleveland Heights. I wonder where the other one is...
papéis por todo o lado
My New Morman Name
And The Winner Is!
Guess what, Ladies and Gents? The Caption Contest has officially ended and the winners are hereby announced! (You know I wouldn't forget you. With your cute little button icons and all your cute little mouse clicks!)
In no particular order (other than first place to last) here they are:
First Place Winner
Tina and Marv attempt to form the chinese character for suave.
When Santa emerged from the chimney, little Jimmy knew
that what he'd been told was a lie.
Blanche Almonde said...
All evening Betsy had waited patiently and - she hoped - seductively for him to notice her. Finally, the last flame had gone out (as had Rosavita, Mimi, Brunhilda, and Lashonda) and Guido’s eyes had fallen on her. He was as irresistibly drawn to
her as a moth to a flashlight. Her heart was crying “Yes! Yes!” to his smoldering unspoken question; the rest of her was screaming to go pee.
I think I know a place we can be alone, though it's a little bit dark and sooty.
And the Runners Up...
Having cased the joint, Goldilocks takes advantage of the three bears' absence. It's time!
"You know, I've ALWAYS thought left arm amputees were HOT..."
Congratulations to all our winners and all our amputees... I mean, participants. You're fabtastic, all of you! Our first Place Winner will, of course, receive Fabulous Prizes!*
*(You know what they are, don't make me say them again. Alright, fine. Your choice: 1) A random prize selected by k_sra from her local dollar store and shipped to you. [Note: this prize is really random.] 2) A stunt photo of your choosing where k_sra will attempt to create the image of your choosing with random objects and people. 3) A song made up about a topic of your choosing and performed here on the blog.)